Tag Archives: Television

Hallmark Channel to obtain rights to Iran/US Sailor Story

The Hallmark Channel is close to receiving approvals from the State Department to produce a heartwarming, feel-good movie about the happy, diplomatic resolution to yesterday’s interaction between the Iranian and US Navies.  According to State sources, the US Naval vessels were straying into Iranian waters as a result of some sort of mechanical failure.  The Iranian Navy  provided mechanical assistance (and even checked out the American communications equipment for good measure), kept the sailors warm and safe (to include a hijab for the female sailor), and provided overnight accommodations (the hummus was reportedly out of this world), before sending them on their way.  State also added that there were unconfirmed reports of hugs exchanged before the US vessels got back underway.  It is unknown whether the piece would include portrayal of the potential disciplinary action for those American sailors who were clearly in the wrong.

“Our viewers look forward to schmaltzy stories of new found friendships and dramatic changes of heart ; we make a lot of money making up stories in that vein, but producing a story based on a real-life event would be a big win for us” said Barry Heart, Senior Executive of Production.

The two-hour special will highlight the new environment of cooperation between the two previously at-odds nations, and how diplomacy and civilized discourse can solve any problem.   Hallmark expects to receive approval from the State Department this week.  The production would be slated to air in mid or late October.

BREAKING: “We Saw Your Boobs” breaks “Skyfall” iTunes Records

BREAKING: Oscar host Seth MacFarlane’s “We Saw Your Boobs” song has broken iTunes download records previously set by Adele’s “Skyfall” debut earlier this year.

UPDATED: High Ratings 1st Sign of the Apocalypse ::::Tonight on ESPN: A very special episode of the Lebron James Saga

UPDATED:  Sadly, the ratings results are in, and we’ve surely seen the first sign of the apocalypse.  According to MediaDailyNews:

ESPN said James program “The Decision,” that announced he is leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers, his longtime team, for the Miami Heat pulled a Nielsen preliminary 7.3 household rating, the best non-NFL programming rated show this year.

Fifteen minutes into the broadcast — between 9:15 and 9:30 p.m., when James made his announcement — the ratings climb to a 9.6 rating.

The news easily topped other single interview sports programming specials — higher than the 0.4 household rating for a Tiger Woods interview on March 21, 2010, and an Alex Rodriguez interview Feb. 9, 2009, which took a 0.9 rating.

Tonight, self-proclaimed “King” Lebron James will announce his decision as to which team he will grace with his presence next season (for a kajillion dollars, or so). The pundits, for what it’s worth, have been blathering on and on about this since before the King’s men were ousted from the playoffs by the Boston Celtics.  There are some real divas in professional sports, but this ESPN “special” really takes the cake. How do you suppose this one hour show will go? Lebron announces where he’s going in the first five minutes of the show, then interview follows? Nope. I’m guessing for an American Idol-type finale, where ESPN totally lames out and does a retrospective on James in excruciating detail, with lots of spiffy footage of slam dunks, “rare” photos from his childhood, etc. At about 9:45pm, the “big announcement” will be made and Stewart Scott will be the “first interview after the decision is made”. Wow, I’ve GOT to tune in! I’ve got to make sure I watch so that when someone asks, “where were you when Lebron James announced his decision?”, I can honestly say “I was totally watching it live, I remember it like it was yesterday!  It’s not like: “where were you when JFK was shot?  Where were you when the space shuttle blew up?  Where were you on 9/11? I’m not sure which is more pathetic: the diva and his egomaniacal need to be the center of attention, or the sports media, pandering to and enabling this behavior. Apparently the TV special dubbed “The Decision” will generate some money for charity, because James is so committed to the community and children, and his decision has generated “a lot of buzz”.  I can’t wait to see the ratings on this steaming pile of self-aggrandizing tripe.  Here are ten other things you could watch at 9pm tonight (check your local listings):

1. Rookie Blue (new on ABC): The police department throws a “Fite Nite” charity event (the literacy event was cancelled).  This is a close call, because this show sounds pretty bad. I gave it top billing because it’s new.

2. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS) it’s a repeat, but I’m sure you could work with it – it’s the “Dr. Jekyll serial killer” episode.

3. So you think you can Dance (FOX) Live! Way more action than ESPN

4. Antiques Roadshow (PBS) Repeat from Salt Lake City – seriously, still better than ESPN

5. Perro Amor (Telemundo) that’s “Puppy Love” in english.  I don’t understand the whole description, but the words “grave conflict” are definitely in there. Is this the one Eric Estrada is in?

6. Jersey Shore (MTV) Repeat: the crew goes to Atlantic City, one of them has an eating disorder (but no other issues at all).

7. Police Women of Memphis (TLC) New! follow the Memphis police gals…”Arica goes beyond the call of duty by retrieving a detainee’s gold teeth for him“. Lebron doesn’t even have gold teeth!!!

8. Break it Down (National Geographic Channel) The USS Savannah is dismantled at a scrap yard after more than 20 years of carrying fuel for the Navy’s fleet. What’s not to like?

9. I Didn’t know I was Pregnant (Discovery Health) Repeat: Baby on a Boat – a woman at sea gives birth.  How did the TV crews know to be there?  Slightly less planned out and dramatic than “The Decision”.

10. The Universe (History Channel) Light speed is examined. I’m a nerd, so this is fine, too.

Personally, I’d rather watch Paul the Octopus pick the winner of the World Cup – Paul is 100% accurate so far on his picks in relation to the German national team.  I’m hoping his keepers at the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany drop down those crazy boxes again with flags of the Netherlands and Spain on them (I’m sure they won’t drop down boxes showing Cavaliers, Bulls, Heat, Knicks, or Nets symbols).  My kids love Paul, and were rooting heavily for the Spanish in yesterday’s game, to give Paul more credibility.  Here he is choosing Spain (which is infinitely more interesting than Lebron James). RESPECT THE CEPHALOPOD!  Naturally, PETA is calling for Paul’s immediate release.

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Lifetime Taps BBC’s Mitchell for Kagan Bio-Pic

One of the BBC’s most well know comedians has been signed by Lifetime Television to star in their upcoming biographical movie of Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan. Although Kagan has not yet been confirmed (though confirmation is widely expected), Lifetime executives have inked a deal with Mr. Mitchell to star in the network’s original feature.    American audiences will recognize Mr. Mitchell from the BBC and his wildly successful sketch comedy shows “That Mitchell and Webb Look“, and “Peep Show“, a partnership with longtime colleague Robert Webb. Mitchell allegedly signed the deal to “get his bloody foot in the door for some serious acting”. Mitchell, 36, has been performing since primary school, and became even more passionate about it while at Peterhouse, Cambridge, where he became president of their famous “Cambridge Footlights” performance group.  Mr. Mitchell has also had several cameos and small roles on BBC programs, in addition to his successful comedic work with partner Robert Webb.   

Lifetime executives had been shopping around two draft screenplays, when a low-level staffer happened upon Mitchell on BBC America. Mr. Mitchell, no stranger to dressing in drag for his comedic craft, jumped at the chance to play Kagan on the made-for-cable movie. “Well it won’t be much of a visual stretch, now will it?” suggested Mr. Mitchell, “I’ve got to really show my stuff to be taken seriously, and the viewers won’t be distracted by clumsy makeup and wardrobe.  I’ll still look like me in a wig, but I’ll be acting like Ms. Kagan.”   

 Lifetime executives were asked if they thought their viewers, and Ms. Kagan, would be offended if the lead role in the movie were given to a man.  Lifetime is, after all, a network “for women”, telling the story of a hard-working, intelligent woman, going boldly into a male-dominated field.  These executives told us that “Lifetime network viewers are among the most sensitive, open-minded, and fair people in our country.  They’ll support the best actor for the role, and will be empowered by the fact that they will be part of this courageous, ground-breaking decision.  We also think that Ms. Kagan will be thrilled with the end product.” 

 Lifetime expects the feature to begin production at the end of the summer, with a broadcast date slated in the December time frame.  The network anticipates signing Valerie Bertinelli for the role of Ms. Kagan’s best friend during law school, and is reportedly working with author Norah Roberts on the screenplay. Working titles include “Confirming Elena”, “My Lips are Sealed: The Elena Kagan Story”, and “That’s no Man, That’s Elena Kagan!”.

Are you ready?

After a delay earlier this year, broadcasters all over the country will eliminate their analog television broadcasts in favor of digital broadcasts.  If you don’t have cable or satellite service, you need a little black box to hook up to your TV to get any kind of reception after midnight Thursday.  The FCC estimates that as many as 2.8 million households are not ready for the conversion, and are at risk of losing television service.  Those at most risk are low-income urban households, and rural households in the Western United States.  I still say that they should have made the conversion date the day before the Super Bowl; you could be sure that everyone would have been prepared!

This means that unprepared viewers will miss their favorite Friday night network shows: Surviving Suburbia, The Goode Family, Samantha Who?, 20/20, The Stanley Cup Finals (game 7), The Ghost Whisperer, Flashpoint, Numb3rs, Don’t Forget the Lyrics, and Mental.  Oh dear, whatever will you do without this crappy Friday night lineup?  I venture to say that the hockey game will be the most-missed by any sane person, but the at-risk audience probably wasn’t planning to watch anyway. Does anyone even know a person first hand that is not ready for the conversion?    Does anyone think it’s funny that the analog broadcasts end on Iranian election day?  Hmmmmm….

SHIVASHANKAR + LAODICEAN = CHAMPION

Yes, I had to look up all but one word of the headline.  Kavya Shivashankar  of Kansas took home the $30k and gigantic trophy last night in a nail-biter in the 16th round of semifinalist play.  The other two remaining spellers made errors in round 15, causing a round 16 that required Kavya to spell her word correctly to end the competition (pursuant to the now-famous Rule 12 of the bee).  As a side note, the statistics about the entrants are pretty interesting (three nine-year-olds competed!).  ‘A list of things thrown five minutes agohas a great blog from the whole contest.  Now I feel intellectually inferior and am ordering the biggest, baddest dictionary available from Amazon.com.

“the follies and pretensions of everyday people”

Tune in tonight on ABC at 9pm (EST) for a first look at Mike Judge’s “The Goode Family”, which pokes fun at the trendy and often irritating goal of spending your life minimizing your carbon footprint. You’ll remember Mike Judge from ‘Beavis and Butthead’, and ‘King of the Hill’.

Bea Arthur Dead at 86

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Bea Arthur passed away today at her home in Los Angeles due to complications from cancer; she was 86. She was best known for her roles as ‘Maude’ in the 70’s, and Dorothy on ‘The Golden Girls’ in the 80’s, as well as many broadway roles. Golden Girls was one of the best sitcoms EVER, and is still in syndication. The Turks are even making their own version as a special 13-part miniseries. There’s a party icebreaker that I’ve used before (when it’s a girl party obviously), where each person discussed which one of the Golden Girls you would be in your advancing age; talk amongst yourselves! I always thought I’d be Bea (though not as tall). Thank you for being a friend -RIP.