Tag Archives: State Department

Hallmark Channel to obtain rights to Iran/US Sailor Story

The Hallmark Channel is close to receiving approvals from the State Department to produce a heartwarming, feel-good movie about the happy, diplomatic resolution to yesterday’s interaction between the Iranian and US Navies.  According to State sources, the US Naval vessels were straying into Iranian waters as a result of some sort of mechanical failure.  The Iranian Navy  provided mechanical assistance (and even checked out the American communications equipment for good measure), kept the sailors warm and safe (to include a hijab for the female sailor), and provided overnight accommodations (the hummus was reportedly out of this world), before sending them on their way.  State also added that there were unconfirmed reports of hugs exchanged before the US vessels got back underway.  It is unknown whether the piece would include portrayal of the potential disciplinary action for those American sailors who were clearly in the wrong.

“Our viewers look forward to schmaltzy stories of new found friendships and dramatic changes of heart ; we make a lot of money making up stories in that vein, but producing a story based on a real-life event would be a big win for us” said Barry Heart, Senior Executive of Production.

The two-hour special will highlight the new environment of cooperation between the two previously at-odds nations, and how diplomacy and civilized discourse can solve any problem.   Hallmark expects to receive approval from the State Department this week.  The production would be slated to air in mid or late October.

On International Women’s Day: Celebrate Women Who Can Be Anti-Semitic, American-Hating Scumbags If They Want To

WASHINGTON – Secretary of State John Kerry and First Lady Michelle Obama were planning to bestow an International Woman of Courage award to Samira Ibrahim of Egypt this week.  The award has since been put on hold since Ibrahim, a women’s rights activist, seems to have been very vocal in praise of Adolf Hitler, last year’s murder of Jews in Bulgaria,  and the 9/11 attacks on the American embassy in Cairo, also last year.  Ibrahim has certainly shown that she is a woman of courage, bravely spewing violent, anti-Semitic hate in the otherwise male-dominated hatemongering world.  Break through that glass ceiling, Samira; let’s not forget that women can be destructive haters, too!  You go, girl!

BREAKING: Clinton was pushed!

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Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (age 61) had surgery on Friday to repair her right elbow, broken in a fall in the State Department parking garage last Wednesday. Official reports tell us that Mrs. Clinton fell in the garage on the way to her car, and that she was accompanied by associate Richard Holbrooke.  An exclusive Cranky Mommy source reports that the fall was not an accident at all; Mrs. Clinton was pushed to the ground in the garage, causing the injury. An unidentified garage attendant reports that Secretary Clinton, Richard Holbrooke, and  a man fitting the description of Rahm Emanuel were walking together in the parking garage.  After what appeared to be a brief argument, the Emanuel look-alike knocked Mrs. Clinton to the ground hissing “Enough already, I know it’s a total cluster*uck, but stop rubbing it in our faces!  Just do what we tell you – you’ve been warned!”.  Other sources report that behind the scenes, Mrs. Clinton has been highly critical of the President’s positions on: relationships with China and Saudi Arabia vis a vis human rights issues, violence in Mexico, North Korean threats, support of Israel, unrest in Pakistan, and the administration’s stance on Iranian elections and their quest for nuclear weaponry.  There has reportedly been lots of eye-rolling and heavy sighing with an occasional Clinton cackle in State Department meetings, and it has apparently not gone unnoticed.  All of the informants requested anonymity for personal safety reasons.