Category Archives: Uncategorized

Hallmark Channel to obtain rights to Iran/US Sailor Story

The Hallmark Channel is close to receiving approvals from the State Department to produce a heartwarming, feel-good movie about the happy, diplomatic resolution to yesterday’s interaction between the Iranian and US Navies.  According to State sources, the US Naval vessels were straying into Iranian waters as a result of some sort of mechanical failure.  The Iranian Navy  provided mechanical assistance (and even checked out the American communications equipment for good measure), kept the sailors warm and safe (to include a hijab for the female sailor), and provided overnight accommodations (the hummus was reportedly out of this world), before sending them on their way.  State also added that there were unconfirmed reports of hugs exchanged before the US vessels got back underway.  It is unknown whether the piece would include portrayal of the potential disciplinary action for those American sailors who were clearly in the wrong.

“Our viewers look forward to schmaltzy stories of new found friendships and dramatic changes of heart ; we make a lot of money making up stories in that vein, but producing a story based on a real-life event would be a big win for us” said Barry Heart, Senior Executive of Production.

The two-hour special will highlight the new environment of cooperation between the two previously at-odds nations, and how diplomacy and civilized discourse can solve any problem.   Hallmark expects to receive approval from the State Department this week.  The production would be slated to air in mid or late October.

Ask me about my boots….

Yes, that is my giant, white leg in the photo.   Shut up, it's for a good cause.

Yes, that is my giant, white leg in the photo. Shut up, it’s for a good cause.

… I got them in the mail last week from The Boot Campaign, a good cause to help our men and women in uniform. What do they do with the money they raise?

Our goal is to have a holistic approach by balancing our funds to meet a variety of needs including job placement assistance, shelter, family services, counseling, children’s needs, surviving spouse assistance, etc. – See more

The boots themselves are used to not only raise funds, but awareness:

Our goal is to see 1.4 million Americans with their boots on thanking 1.4 million active duty military serving in 150 countries globally and stateside. – See more

It certainly has been a while….

…but hopefully I am back to pour out anything that comes into my warped little head. For the children’s sake. Always about the children!

Local shortages of Baking Soda, Vinegar, Suggest Science Fair Season

It is Science Fair season in our affluent suburb, and it seems like only yesterday I was shouting at my children to focus and finish their projects only hours before last year’s fair was to begin. Each year, the children decide at the last minute that they would like to participate in the fair, but they can’t come up with anything cool that they can do in the next 10 days (last year’s mummified chicken wasn’t done the night before the fair!).  Then they talk with their friends about doing a project together. Yay!  Then the other parent calls you, being kinda pushy about it, and declaring how her child only has two hours available to do the fair, so are they on or what? We have to figure out if we have to get a poster board!  Huh?  Can’t we just teach the children a lesson in planning ahead, and say “you know what, you kids won’t have enough time to get together to do your best work on this, so we can either do something individually, or just not do it this year”.  I hate to be a downer, but slamming something crappy together seems worse than not participating, right? Children at this age haven’t learned the hideous nature of group projects.  To them, the group project is simply an opportunity to play and horse around, and take part in the mayhem that is the Science Fair. So now we are on the hook for a group project.  The fair is in six days, and the team has spent 40 minutes working on their idea (cue the blank stare as to what there is still left to do).  It is no wonder that the frazzled, baking-soda dappled parents look really fatigued on the night of the fair.  I reckon the PTO would make a boatload of money replacing the bake sale with a cash bar.

OK. I’m Back.

It’s been a long while, but I’m finally Cranky enough to start this thing again.

Remember, Respectfully

To Mothers everywhere: you deserve a…

Hope you had a big ass Mother’s Day!

BREAKING: Napolitano Adds KFC to National Security Threat Report

Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano today added Kentucky Fried Chicken, and its soon-to-be-launched “Double Down” sandwich to her National Security Threat Analysis Document. KFC is unveiling its “Double Down” sandwich on Monday, and the federal government is ready and waiting. The sandwich boasts “two white-meat chicken filets – “Original Recipe” or grilled – wrapped around two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese, and the Colonel’s sauce”. That’s right – it’s a sandwich that uses fried chicken instead of bread! Napolitano, after having met with health professionals from Harvard University, and First Lady Michelle Obama, added the company and its new creation to the threat list for several reasons:

 a) the sandwich is hideously oversized, and millions of patrons are bound to be choked by it – especially the children.

b) the sandwich contains almost 600 calories, which is completely unnecessary, when people could be eating pre-screened fruit.

c) the sandwich’s salt content is “through the roof“, with more than 2/3 of recommended daily intake for those under 45, and the “entire allowance for those over 45 or with hypertension and blacks”.  It is in fact, a dangerous sandwich with a racial preference for severe heath ramifications.

d) the sandwich tested very positively by voting districts with significant Tea Party activity, lending to its apparently racist nature.

e) the overall social impact may cause obesity, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, choking, and other maladies that may prevent people from serving in our military, or in other government-run programs that promote the common good.  The sandwich may also cause dramatic rises in health costs to the American public that have nothing to do with recent legislation.  Really.

Secretary Napolitano will be keeping close tabs on sales of the sandwich, and may require that KFC track the individuals that purchase the sandwiches, so future healthcare claims can be denied due to irresponsible behavior, and whether parents should face disciplinary action for providing the sandwiches to minors.  Stay tuned.

Poll Worker/Pole Worker

Poll Worker

Poll Workers

Pole Worker

Pole Worker

All of this election talk this week has gotten me confused….which is which???

Let’s catch up, shall we?

I’ve been super-busy, and am trying to catch up on everything that has happened over the last week or so. I’ll lob them out these precious updates one at a time.