Category Archives: The Media

Hallmark Channel to obtain rights to Iran/US Sailor Story

The Hallmark Channel is close to receiving approvals from the State Department to produce a heartwarming, feel-good movie about the happy, diplomatic resolution to yesterday’s interaction between the Iranian and US Navies.  According to State sources, the US Naval vessels were straying into Iranian waters as a result of some sort of mechanical failure.  The Iranian Navy  provided mechanical assistance (and even checked out the American communications equipment for good measure), kept the sailors warm and safe (to include a hijab for the female sailor), and provided overnight accommodations (the hummus was reportedly out of this world), before sending them on their way.  State also added that there were unconfirmed reports of hugs exchanged before the US vessels got back underway.  It is unknown whether the piece would include portrayal of the potential disciplinary action for those American sailors who were clearly in the wrong.

“Our viewers look forward to schmaltzy stories of new found friendships and dramatic changes of heart ; we make a lot of money making up stories in that vein, but producing a story based on a real-life event would be a big win for us” said Barry Heart, Senior Executive of Production.

The two-hour special will highlight the new environment of cooperation between the two previously at-odds nations, and how diplomacy and civilized discourse can solve any problem.   Hallmark expects to receive approval from the State Department this week.  The production would be slated to air in mid or late October.

Ummmm, I think the crashing your plane part of the story caused your damaged reputation…

… not the made-up names some joker put on the air at KTVU-TV last week! Asiana airlines attorney Siu Yu has announced that the airline will sue the news station in San Francisco because it

“damaged the airline’s reputation by using bogus and racially offensive names for four pilots on a plane that crashed earlier this month in San Francisco.”

The network has since blamed an intern identified as Sum Yung Gai (who has since been released)  for the error, because, you know, summer interns generally run a major city’s news broadcast while on break during their sophomore year of college. And nobody ever checks their work, especially if they are going to a really good school, which is the only place a top-notch news station like KTVU would ever consider hiring. See the epic footage of the bogus names, and the  carefully-pronunciating anchor reporting those unusual names (which are obviously Chinese, not Korean!):

More Paula Deen Missteps

This week, Food Network terminated its contract with southern chef Paula Deen, after learning that she said the “n-word” decades ago, in private conversations, and something about inappropriate jokes being told in one or more of her restaurants.  This obviously makes her some kind of racist monster who should be ostracized from society and stripped entirely of any positive image and material wealth.  The Cranky Mommy has learned, however, that this is the tip of the proverbial iceberg as far as controversial lingo is concerned. A quick search of Food Network’s website indicates that Paula routinely uses the word “cracker”, “brown sugar”, and “meatball” in her craft.  Additionally, black walnuts, dark rum, and dark meats of all kinds are used habitually in well-publicized recipes. She has produced television segments for Bananas Foster, Tennessee-Banana Black Walnut Cake, Sugar Ray’s Body Blow Ribs (Sugar Ray Leonard did not endorse this recipe), Douglas’ Dark Rum Pecan Pie (Douglas was reportedly the African-American janitor on set), and Aunt Peggy’s Praline Cheesecake (Deen’s Aunt Peggy was reportedly a homophobic, racist bitch in her own right); all of these recipes clearly code-words for oppression and degradation of African-Americans. Production team members could not be reached for comment, but more bombshells surely await.

BREAKING: Black Man Joins NRA News, Panic Ensues

ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA: NRANews has announced that Mr. Colion Noir has joined the NRANews team, for his insights in their Opinion & Commentary group which will be seen on the Sportsman Channel and Sirius XM Radio.  The racist NRA is obviously taking advantage of Mr. Noir’s ethnicity for its own political and public relations gain. That can be the only logical explanation.

Sports Journalism Officially Dead

This is a screen shot of Sports Illustrated’s website today.  I circled the headline in question, and well, “Tiger Sad”?  I smell a Pulitzer!

UPDATED: High Ratings 1st Sign of the Apocalypse ::::Tonight on ESPN: A very special episode of the Lebron James Saga

UPDATED:  Sadly, the ratings results are in, and we’ve surely seen the first sign of the apocalypse.  According to MediaDailyNews:

ESPN said James program “The Decision,” that announced he is leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers, his longtime team, for the Miami Heat pulled a Nielsen preliminary 7.3 household rating, the best non-NFL programming rated show this year.

Fifteen minutes into the broadcast — between 9:15 and 9:30 p.m., when James made his announcement — the ratings climb to a 9.6 rating.

The news easily topped other single interview sports programming specials — higher than the 0.4 household rating for a Tiger Woods interview on March 21, 2010, and an Alex Rodriguez interview Feb. 9, 2009, which took a 0.9 rating.

Tonight, self-proclaimed “King” Lebron James will announce his decision as to which team he will grace with his presence next season (for a kajillion dollars, or so). The pundits, for what it’s worth, have been blathering on and on about this since before the King’s men were ousted from the playoffs by the Boston Celtics.  There are some real divas in professional sports, but this ESPN “special” really takes the cake. How do you suppose this one hour show will go? Lebron announces where he’s going in the first five minutes of the show, then interview follows? Nope. I’m guessing for an American Idol-type finale, where ESPN totally lames out and does a retrospective on James in excruciating detail, with lots of spiffy footage of slam dunks, “rare” photos from his childhood, etc. At about 9:45pm, the “big announcement” will be made and Stewart Scott will be the “first interview after the decision is made”. Wow, I’ve GOT to tune in! I’ve got to make sure I watch so that when someone asks, “where were you when Lebron James announced his decision?”, I can honestly say “I was totally watching it live, I remember it like it was yesterday!  It’s not like: “where were you when JFK was shot?  Where were you when the space shuttle blew up?  Where were you on 9/11? I’m not sure which is more pathetic: the diva and his egomaniacal need to be the center of attention, or the sports media, pandering to and enabling this behavior. Apparently the TV special dubbed “The Decision” will generate some money for charity, because James is so committed to the community and children, and his decision has generated “a lot of buzz”.  I can’t wait to see the ratings on this steaming pile of self-aggrandizing tripe.  Here are ten other things you could watch at 9pm tonight (check your local listings):

1. Rookie Blue (new on ABC): The police department throws a “Fite Nite” charity event (the literacy event was cancelled).  This is a close call, because this show sounds pretty bad. I gave it top billing because it’s new.

2. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS) it’s a repeat, but I’m sure you could work with it – it’s the “Dr. Jekyll serial killer” episode.

3. So you think you can Dance (FOX) Live! Way more action than ESPN

4. Antiques Roadshow (PBS) Repeat from Salt Lake City – seriously, still better than ESPN

5. Perro Amor (Telemundo) that’s “Puppy Love” in english.  I don’t understand the whole description, but the words “grave conflict” are definitely in there. Is this the one Eric Estrada is in?

6. Jersey Shore (MTV) Repeat: the crew goes to Atlantic City, one of them has an eating disorder (but no other issues at all).

7. Police Women of Memphis (TLC) New! follow the Memphis police gals…”Arica goes beyond the call of duty by retrieving a detainee’s gold teeth for him“. Lebron doesn’t even have gold teeth!!!

8. Break it Down (National Geographic Channel) The USS Savannah is dismantled at a scrap yard after more than 20 years of carrying fuel for the Navy’s fleet. What’s not to like?

9. I Didn’t know I was Pregnant (Discovery Health) Repeat: Baby on a Boat – a woman at sea gives birth.  How did the TV crews know to be there?  Slightly less planned out and dramatic than “The Decision”.

10. The Universe (History Channel) Light speed is examined. I’m a nerd, so this is fine, too.

Personally, I’d rather watch Paul the Octopus pick the winner of the World Cup – Paul is 100% accurate so far on his picks in relation to the German national team.  I’m hoping his keepers at the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany drop down those crazy boxes again with flags of the Netherlands and Spain on them (I’m sure they won’t drop down boxes showing Cavaliers, Bulls, Heat, Knicks, or Nets symbols).  My kids love Paul, and were rooting heavily for the Spanish in yesterday’s game, to give Paul more credibility.  Here he is choosing Spain (which is infinitely more interesting than Lebron James). RESPECT THE CEPHALOPOD!  Naturally, PETA is calling for Paul’s immediate release.


Memorial Day Weekend – It could kill you

Ahhhh – the long weekend that officially kicks off summer: you’re probably planning to play outdoors with the kids, have a BBQ, open your pool if you have one, and simply enjoy time without soccer or swim lessons. Or: you could read the news and see that your seemingly pedestrian plans will probably spell doom for you and your entire family:

Can your grill give you cancer?

But wait: marinated chicken won’t give you as much cancer!
Does you sunscreen really work?
Mosquitoes will make you sick for a long time!

Pollen and allergies make you suicidal!

Some mosquitoes don’t care about DEET!
For God’s sake, you didn’t get an inflatable pool, did you????

 Honoring those who lost their lives in valor in the safety of a hypoallergenic panic-room seems to be the best course. That other traditional stuff will kill you!

Charlie Gibson – the pulse of the nation

This week, ABC News anchorman Charlie Gibson acknowledged that he “hadn’t heard about” the ongoing ACORN video scandal (videos are being released  by daily). It appears that Mr. Gibson gets his news from CNN and other legacy media sources, and knew about Kanye West’s outburst, the fact that Patrick Swayze died, that Senator Joe Wilson interrupted the president, and that the whole vampire trend is really popular right now in the 18-32 age group. Gibson also admitted to not knowing about the U.S. abandoning six-party talks with North Korea (we’ll go it alone), the fact that the Senate voted to strip ACORN of federal housing funds, and that Joe Wilson has generated almost $1 million in campaign donations after his outburst.

Note: Until this morning, the ACORN story has not been featured in the top 20 headlines in the  ‘Latest News’ section on CNN.  The headline, however, is “ACORN ‘deeply disturbed’ by videos, CEO says “.  If you’ve been reading CNN, you have no idea about the videos in the first place, so this can be very confusing.  I call it “Media-induced Alzheimer’s (MIA)”.

“The One” & “King James” – Fragile?


This week, the press and corporate America rushed to the aid of her respective masters: Barack Obama and LeBron James.  Ahhh….President Obama (and Nicolas Sarkozy) were checking out a hot Brazilian delegate’s behind at the G-8 this week, and LeBron James was viciously dunked upon by a college player.  No big deal, right? WRONG.  ABC has come to her master’s defense, showing the video of the situation, explaining how photos can be misleading.  Nike, proud sponsor of LeBron James, confiscated multiple videos of the pick-up game at the LeBron James Skills Academy, claiming that recording the event was not permitted, to prevent it from being widely distributed over the Internet.  One article suggests that the videos were seized at James’ request. Are these men and their egos and reputations so fragile that they, their handlers, and supporters bend over backwards to ‘protect’ them from any type of besmirching, or even the hint of besmirching?  Pathetic.

I’m no fan of Helen Thomas…

…. or of most journalists for that matter, but she laid an ass-whoopin’ on White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs at this press conference about the tightly controlled nature of the President’s town hall meetings.  Chip Reid (CBS News) started it off, and let Helen smack down Gibbsy for the closer.  Good times.