The Hallmark Channel is close to receiving approvals from the State Department to produce a heartwarming, feel-good movie about the happy, diplomatic resolution to yesterday’s interaction between the Iranian and US Navies. According to State sources, the US Naval vessels were straying into Iranian waters as a result of some sort of mechanical failure. The Iranian Navy provided mechanical assistance (and even checked out the American communications equipment for good measure), kept the sailors warm and safe (to include a hijab for the female sailor), and provided overnight accommodations (the hummus was reportedly out of this world), before sending them on their way. State also added that there were unconfirmed reports of hugs exchanged before the US vessels got back underway. It is unknown whether the piece would include portrayal of the potential disciplinary action for those American sailors who were clearly in the wrong.
“Our viewers look forward to schmaltzy stories of new found friendships and dramatic changes of heart ; we make a lot of money making up stories in that vein, but producing a story based on a real-life event would be a big win for us” said Barry Heart, Senior Executive of Production.
The two-hour special will highlight the new environment of cooperation between the two previously at-odds nations, and how diplomacy and civilized discourse can solve any problem. Hallmark expects to receive approval from the State Department this week. The production would be slated to air in mid or late October.
… not the made-up names some joker put on the air at KTVU-TV last week! Asiana airlines attorney Siu Yu has announced that the airline will sue the news station in San Francisco because it
“damaged the airline’s reputation by using bogus and racially offensive names for four pilots on a plane that crashed earlier this month in San Francisco.”
The network has since blamed an intern identified as Sum Yung Gai (who has since been released) for the error, because, you know, summer interns generally run a major city’s news broadcast while on break during their sophomore year of college. And nobody ever checks their work, especially if they are going to a really good school, which is the only place a top-notch news station like KTVU would ever consider hiring. See the epic footage of the bogus names, and the carefully-pronunciating anchor reporting those unusual names (which are obviously Chinese, not Korean!):
This week, Food Network terminated its contract with southern chef Paula Deen, after learning that she said the “n-word” decades ago, in private conversations, and something about inappropriate jokes being told in one or more of her restaurants. This obviously makes her some kind of racist monster who should be ostracized from society and stripped entirely of any positive image and material wealth. The Cranky Mommy has learned, however, that this is the tip of the proverbial iceberg as far as controversial lingo is concerned. A quick search of Food Network’s website indicates that Paula routinely uses the word “cracker”, “brown sugar”, and “meatball” in her craft. Additionally, black walnuts, dark rum, and dark meats of all kinds are used habitually in well-publicized recipes. She has produced television segments for Bananas Foster, Tennessee-Banana Black Walnut Cake, Sugar Ray’s Body Blow Ribs (Sugar Ray Leonard did not endorse this recipe), Douglas’ Dark Rum Pecan Pie (Douglas was reportedly the African-American janitor on set), and Aunt Peggy’s Praline Cheesecake (Deen’s Aunt Peggy was reportedly a homophobic, racist bitch in her own right); all of these recipes clearly code-words for oppression and degradation of African-Americans. Production team members could not be reached for comment, but more bombshells surely await.
ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA: NRANews has announced that Mr. Colion Noir has joined the NRANews team, for his insights in their Opinion & Commentary group which will be seen on the Sportsman Channel and Sirius XM Radio. The racist NRA is obviously taking advantage of Mr. Noir’s ethnicity for its own political and public relations gain. That can be the only logical explanation.
Ahhhh – the long weekend that officially kicks off summer: you’re probably planning to play outdoors with the kids, have a BBQ, open your pool if you have one, and simply enjoy time without soccer or swim lessons. Or: you could read the news and see that your seemingly pedestrian plans will probably spell doom for you and your entire family:
This week, ABC News anchorman Charlie Gibson acknowledged that he “hadn’t heard about” the ongoing ACORN video scandal (videos are being released by BigGovernment.com daily). It appears that Mr. Gibson gets his news from CNN and other legacy media sources, and knew about Kanye West’s outburst, the fact that Patrick Swayze died, that Senator Joe Wilson interrupted the president, and that the whole vampire trend is really popular right now in the 18-32 age group. Gibson also admitted to not knowing about the U.S. abandoning six-party talks with North Korea (we’ll go it alone), the fact that the Senate voted to strip ACORN of federal housing funds, and that Joe Wilson has generated almost $1 million in campaign donations after his outburst.
Note: Until this morning, the ACORN story has not been featured in the top 20 headlines in the ‘Latest News’ section on CNN. The headline, however, is “ACORN ‘deeply disturbed’ by videos, CEO says “. If you’ve been reading CNN, you have no idea about the videos in the first place, so this can be very confusing. I call it “Media-induced Alzheimer’s (MIA)”.
This week, the press and corporate America rushed to the aid of her respective masters: Barack Obama and LeBron James. Ahhh….President Obama (and Nicolas Sarkozy) were checking out a hot Brazilian delegate’s behind at the G-8 this week, and LeBron James was viciously dunked upon by a college player. No big deal, right? WRONG. ABC has come to her master’s defense, showing the video of the situation, explaining how photos can be misleading. Nike, proud sponsor of LeBron James, confiscated multiple videos of the pick-up game at the LeBron James Skills Academy, claiming that recording the event was not permitted, to prevent it from being widely distributed over the Internet. One article suggests that the videos were seized at James’ request. Are these men and their egos and reputations so fragile that they, their handlers, and supporters bend over backwards to ‘protect’ them from any type of besmirching, or even the hint of besmirching? Pathetic.
…. or of most journalists for that matter, but she laid an ass-whoopin’ on White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs at this press conference about the tightly controlled nature of the President’s town hall meetings. Chip Reid (CBS News) started it off, and let Helen smack down Gibbsy for the closer. Good times.