THIS IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT
Do you have a son in Middle or High School who could use a little more guidance, attention, and motivation when doing his homework? Are you a busy working parent in search of affordable, reliable assistance? Hooters has heard your call, and is ready to answer! We are proud to introduce Hooters Tooters (™) to the Boston area!
Hooters, the national breastaurant chain you know and love for its quality food, beverage, and entertaining environment has helped thousands of its own associates achieve success through high school and college. Our logo isn’t a wise Owl for nothing! Starting in September, Hooters Tooters (™) will be available to provide tutoring in your own home for Math, English, Spanish, and French. (Chinese and Chemistry will be added in January of 2017).
Your area Hooters Tooters (™) are experts at motivating young men to do their best work! Each Hooters Tooter is specifically selected for each of the academic subjects, and are guaranteed to have fulfilled advanced high school or college level requirements in each area. An on-line Hooters Tooters (™) photo and credential listing will be available on September 1st to help you decide which of our wonderful Hooters Tooters (™) is best for you!
Not only will your Hooters Tooter provide academic guidance and motivation, but she will also provide a nutritious, delicious meal for her pupil! You will have the choice of the following dinner options: Original Hooters Style Wings, Big Hootie Burger, or the Original Hooters Chicken Strip Cheese Sandwich. Meals come with Big Dipper Fries and a large fountain drink (Hooters proudly serves refreshing Pepsi products). A vegetarian option is not available, because, duh.
Hooters Tooters (™) may be scheduled for one-hour blocks in the comfort of your own home within a 50 mile radius of a Hooters location (see website for a location near you). We ask that you schedule no more than five hours per week, and that you select only one subject area per session. Hooters Tooters (™) charges $75 per hour (includes a delicious meal, tutoring assistance, and fabulous motivation). All major credit cards are accepted; gratuity not included. Scheduling begins September 1st!
Two weeks ago a Texas middle-schooler was suspended and sentenced to 30 days of alternative school for sharing her inhaler with a fellow student who was having an asthma attack. Both girls have been charged with “sharing a controlled substance”, and both face this stiff “automatic” punishment. Both girls’ parents are concerned with alternative school because their daughter would be with those kids that have real drug and violence problems. Alternative school is legislatively mandated in Texas for kids who have been asked to leave the classroom for such reasons as drug use, violence toward teachers or students, sexual offenses. Here’s the whole scoop.
Then this week, another Texas middle-schooler was suspended for using a profanity and leaving the classroom. Important note: he left the classroom to carry a classmate to the nurse’s office. The classmate was suffering an asthma attack, and had passed out and had fallen out of her chair. The teacher was waiting on an email back from the nurse before acting on the situation. Story here.
“We ain’t got time to wait for no email from the nurse.” – Suspended Student
Hello? Have we lost all ability to reason? If my kid falls out of her chair while having an obvious asthma attack, you’re telling me you will sit your ass down and wait for an email back from the nurse before sending her to get medical attention? Is that standard policy? Any word of whether this is standard protocol? Teacher discipline? Common sense police citation? Jeez, people, zero tolerance policies continue to make educational institutions silly and sometimes dangerous places.
I ordered this magnet for a few of my friends (and one for myself) for Christmas, and was not at all surprised to receive the following email from Amazon:
Due to a lack of availability, we will not be able to obtain the following item(s) from your order:
“Anne Taintor Square Magnet, Smart Mouth Teenager”
We’ve canceled the item(s) and apologize for the inconvenience. If you see a charge for the canceled item, we will refund you within 1-2 business days.
No sarcasm intended here. Apparently this mom took her son to task for being a punk-ass thug during the “protests” (PC term for rioting and looting cuz you can) in Baltimore. He’s not so tough when his Mom comes around, eh? Rock on Mom, Child Protective Services is probably at your house already, but law enforcement will continue to let Baltimore burn.
Just a doodle at the bottom of the page from Cranky Son #2:
I’ve been to a lot of Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties in my day, but none as rowdy as this one reported in the Arizona Daily Independent. They are family events, no? This Arizona event takes the cake, but only for the seven young guests who go got to fondle a very drunk yoga instructor’s new breasts. And although you may be men at 13 years of age (mazel tov!), only the 15-year old was treated to a happy ending. Think there is a lot of Facebook evidence of this shindig? Read the whole thing.
Even though your kids are still kind of young, you have already figured out which kids’ parents will be the “friend parents”, and which will remain actual parental units. You already know who will be buying their kids beer. You know which kids will get cars the second they get their licenses. You know which parents don’t believe in too much discipline. You know which ones will want the kids to have a big co-ed overnight party at a hotel on prom night. But do you know which parent will represent your spoiled rotten child in court to sue your ass for private school tuition? and then college tuition? Better figure it out soon –
A New Jersey high school senior sued her parents, accusing them of tossing her out of the family home when she turned 18 and refusing to pay for her private high school and college education.
The article about it on CNN does not inform the reader that the parent of one of the princess’s friends is footing the bill for her legal fees. It seems princess did not want to follow the rules of the house, so she moved out. Luckily the first part of the lawsuit was tossed, but there is more to come, since princess has been accepted into a number of fine colleges. She wants to be a biomedical engineer!
Wellesley College is in a tizzy about a statue of a realistic-looking man in his underwear, supposedly sleepwalking. The bright young women of Wellesley have started a petition, and are outraged because the statue us making them feel creeped out, and may trigger memories of sexual abuse or assault. The statue is on the sidewalk of a well-trafficked pathway. Did anybody consider putting a poncho on it? A winter coat? At least a hat? Those inferior public school kids would have already put a zombie mask on that thing, or would have dressed him as a Domino’s delivery man complete with pizza boxes. Or wrapped him up in toilet paper a la The Mummy. The same elite universities that encourage movements like Occupy (pooping on police cars and “civil” disobedience) have created a campus environment of victimization and helplessness, where everything you disagree with or deem unseemly must be removed, deleted, or erased completely, then buried in a deep, dark hole forever. Civilly put some clothes on that dude, ladies! God forbid you have some fun with this. Who’s going to arrest you?