Category Archives: School

Hooters Tooters (™) Coming to Your Area!

THIS IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT

Do you have a son in Middle or High School who could use a little more guidance, attention, and motivation when doing his homework?  Are you a busy working parent in search of affordable, reliable assistance?  Hooters has heard your call, and is ready to answer!  We are proud to introduce Hooters Tooters (™)  to the Boston area!

Hooters, the national breastaurant chain you know and love for its quality food, beverage, and entertaining environment has helped thousands of its own associates achieve success through high school and college. Our logo isn’t a wise Owl for nothing! Starting in September, Hooters Tooters (™) will be available to provide tutoring in your own home for Math, English, Spanish, and French. (Chinese and Chemistry will be added in January of 2017).

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Amber is a Math whiz, with an Associates Degree in Mathematics from Woburn Community College

Your area Hooters Tooters (™) are experts at motivating young men to do their best work! Each Hooters Tooter is specifically selected for each of the academic subjects, and are guaranteed to have fulfilled advanced high school or college level requirements in each area. An on-line Hooters Tooters (™) photo and credential listing will be available on September 1st to help you decide which of our wonderful Hooters Tooters (™) is best for you!

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Your pupil will enjoy a delicious nutritious meal, like the Big Hootie Burger

Not only will your Hooters Tooter provide academic guidance and motivation, but she will also provide a nutritious, delicious meal for her pupil!  You will have the choice of the following dinner options: Original Hooters Style Wings, Big Hootie Burger, or the Original Hooters Chicken Strip Cheese Sandwich. Meals come with Big Dipper Fries and a large fountain drink (Hooters proudly serves refreshing Pepsi products).  A vegetarian option is not available, because, duh.

Hooters Tooters (™) may be scheduled for one-hour blocks in the comfort of your own home within a 50 mile radius of a Hooters location (see website for a location near you). We ask that you schedule no more than five hours per week, and that you select only one subject area per session. Hooters Tooters (™) charges $75 per hour (includes a delicious meal, tutoring assistance, and fabulous motivation).  All major credit cards are accepted; gratuity not included.  Scheduling begins September 1st!

 

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Why do Texas Middle Schools hate Asthmatic kids?

Two weeks ago a Texas middle-schooler was suspended and sentenced to 30 days of alternative school for sharing her inhaler with a fellow student who was having an asthma attack.  Both girls have been charged with “sharing a controlled substance”, and both face this stiff “automatic” punishment.  Both girls’ parents are concerned with alternative school because their daughter would be with those kids that have real drug and violence problems.  Alternative school is legislatively mandated in Texas for kids who have been asked to leave the classroom for such reasons as drug use, violence toward teachers or students, sexual offenses.  Here’s the whole scoop.

Then this week, another Texas middle-schooler was suspended for using a profanity and leaving the classroom.  Important note: he left the classroom to carry a classmate to the nurse’s office.  The classmate was suffering an asthma attack, and had passed out and had fallen out of her chair.  The teacher was waiting on an email back from the nurse before acting on the situation.  Story here.

“We ain’t got time to wait for no email from the nurse.” – Suspended Student

Hello? Have we lost all ability to reason?  If my kid falls out of her chair while having an obvious asthma attack, you’re telling me you will sit your ass down and wait for an email back from the nurse before sending her to get medical attention? Is that standard policy?  Any word of whether this is standard protocol?  Teacher discipline? Common sense police citation? Jeez, people, zero tolerance policies continue to make educational institutions silly and sometimes dangerous places.

Somebody did NOT want to work on Math today…

Just a doodle at the bottom of the page from Cranky Son #2:

liammath

Wow. Horns, cool fumanchu, and icicles on my words!!

Today’s the big day….hope you turned in your permission slip!

A school in Pennsylvania required a permission slip to eat an Oreo cookie after a science lab.  Cranky Mommy could not confirm the grade level for this activity, but they were Double Stuff Oreos, so probably at least eighth grade.

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Jeez – Did any of these bright women consider putting clothes on it?

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“Ahhhhh, offensive statuary alert!”

Wellesley College is in a tizzy about a statue of a realistic-looking man in his underwear, supposedly sleepwalking. The bright young women of Wellesley have started a petition, and are outraged because the statue us making them feel creeped out, and may trigger memories of sexual abuse or assault. The statue is on the sidewalk of a well-trafficked pathway. Did anybody consider putting a poncho on it? A winter coat? At least a hat? Those inferior public school kids would have already put a zombie mask on that thing, or would have dressed him as a Domino’s delivery man complete with pizza boxes. Or wrapped him up in toilet paper a la The Mummy.  The same elite universities that encourage movements like Occupy (pooping on police cars and “civil” disobedience) have created a campus environment of victimization and helplessness, where everything you disagree with or deem unseemly must be removed, deleted, or erased completely, then buried in a deep, dark  hole forever. Civilly put some clothes on that dude, ladies! God forbid you have some fun with this.  Who’s going to arrest you?

SHOCK: Women’s Studies, Philosophy Not in Top 6 Most Lucrative College Majors

One of our local papers published the six top-paid college majors for recent graduates, and Women’s Studies, Philosophy, and English are NOT on their list. Dubious as it may be, the degrees were all STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Science) majors. Decide for yourself:

Petroleum Engineering
Actuarial Mathematics
Nuclear Engineering
Chemical Engineering
Aerospace Engineering
Electrical Engineering/Computer Engineering (tie)

There you have it – If you think $300,000 for an Art History or Horticulture or French Literature degree is a good deal for your kids who will live in your basement until you die, then have at it!

Can you tell Cranky Son #1 Goes to Private School?

Scary, scary, potentially life-threatening art project

Scary, scary, potentially life-threatening art project

I can – because he selected this as his art project this year and was not suspended, prosecuted, or otherwise harassed.  I did not get a single phone call from school or from the parents of any frightened classmates.  The theme was “action in sports”, in a papier mache and wire medium.  One other student selected the same topic.  At his old school, he wouldn’t have made it past the talking about it out loud stage.  Detail is important, and if you look carefully, the shooter is wearing protective glasses and ear protection.

Summer is here. Let the games begin.

Cranky Son #1 goes to a private school, and has been done with school for well over a week now. Cranky Son #2 finally gets out of school today (public schools are sticklers for making up snow days!). Two priceless comments from a very bored Cranky Son #1 yesterday (occurred about a half an hour apart):

“Mom, what is foreplay?”

“Mom? Dad says that women have monthly cycles. Are you having your cycle right now?”

It is going to be a long summer.

This week’s reasons why American public schools are not really about Education:

..and more like sensitivity training, or indoctrination of some kind, but certainly not education. Maybe this will be a weekly feature.

High school teen in Florida suspended for disarming a fellow student. He did not follow the “do nothing, be a victim” program that your intellectual superiors would prefer.

A third-grader in Michigan had his birthday cupcakes with plastic army men on them taken away for being insensitive.  HOW THE HELL DID THOSE CUPCAKES GET PAST SECURITY INTO A PUBLIC SCHOOL???

A second-grader in Maryland was suspended for two days for fashioning an obviously realistic-looking handgun out of a pop tart, and pretend shooting with his pretend gun.  NEWS FLASH: little boys will make anything into a gun: plastic silverware, paper bags, dryer lint, crayons, pinecones, those little baby carrots I put in their lunches, etc.

New York City high school students require a lot of remedial help in order to function in community college.  How many?  Oh, just around 80% of them.  The NYC Board of Education boasts a 40% increase in graduation rates over the last 7 years, and claims that the number needing remedial help has dropped around a half a point. NYC schools are budgeted for around $8 billion per year.  You do the math.

Finally, there is a big snowstorm in the Boston area today, and many people are upset that the City of Boston did not cancel school.  Thousands of children were absent today, but school officials have announced that children not in school today will be marked “constructively present”.  I am sure they were home doing extra math problems, or science fair experiments or something equally “constructive”.  No bonus if you actually showed up to school today.

 

 

Drone Program Expanded to Include Recess Duty at Elementary Schools

WASHINGTON – Last week’s release of the Justice Department’s white paper containing the Obama administration’s legal justifications for carrying out assassinations by armed drones has been found to contain a vaguely worded sub-section that suggests drone program expansion into civilian areas. The paper says that the program could include surveillance of “elementary school-level students, whether citizens or not, when outside the confines of the primary school structure; deployment of such drones could supplement or replace personnel responsible for child safety and welfare. Program details could include reading personal data from student microchip implants (program separately implemented and justified by Justice Department white paper #JDW32-888-46HY7)”. With schools facing staffing and financial pressures, the drones could be a blessing, compliments of the Federal Government. For years, teacher’s unions have been trying to eliminate what they consider extracurricular duties such as recess and lunch duty. Drones could potentially eliminate such duties so that teachers could focus on what they claim to do best: teach! Parent volunteers are also relieved – though most parent volunteers anonymously confess that they sign up for recess duty to keep an eye on their own children, they really just gab with the other parents while chaos rules the playground. Drones might not be able to break up an argument over the swings, but surveillance technology has advanced such that certain types of physical activities could be identified as appropriate/not appropriate, and images of offenders could be sent to a single playground monitor, or recorded for future disciplinary use. Audio technology can also keep track of conversation on the playground, flagging specific words and phrases for further scrutiny as is done when monitoring terrorist “chatter” over telephones and the internet. No public school has yet gone on record as having requested participation in the expanded program.