Category Archives: Politics

Hallmark Channel to obtain rights to Iran/US Sailor Story

The Hallmark Channel is close to receiving approvals from the State Department to produce a heartwarming, feel-good movie about the happy, diplomatic resolution to yesterday’s interaction between the Iranian and US Navies.  According to State sources, the US Naval vessels were straying into Iranian waters as a result of some sort of mechanical failure.  The Iranian Navy  provided mechanical assistance (and even checked out the American communications equipment for good measure), kept the sailors warm and safe (to include a hijab for the female sailor), and provided overnight accommodations (the hummus was reportedly out of this world), before sending them on their way.  State also added that there were unconfirmed reports of hugs exchanged before the US vessels got back underway.  It is unknown whether the piece would include portrayal of the potential disciplinary action for those American sailors who were clearly in the wrong.

“Our viewers look forward to schmaltzy stories of new found friendships and dramatic changes of heart ; we make a lot of money making up stories in that vein, but producing a story based on a real-life event would be a big win for us” said Barry Heart, Senior Executive of Production.

The two-hour special will highlight the new environment of cooperation between the two previously at-odds nations, and how diplomacy and civilized discourse can solve any problem.   Hallmark expects to receive approval from the State Department this week.  The production would be slated to air in mid or late October.

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Tehran University Wins Bid for Obama Presidential Library

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Go Blue Jackals!

TEHRAN, IRAN – The Barack Obama Foundation has announced that Tehran University will be the site of the Obama Presidential Library.

The announcement comes after almost a year of behind-the-scenes negotiations and jockeying, largely among the University of Illinois at Chicago, University of Chicago, University of Hawaii, and Coumbia University.  The Tehran University was a late entrant to the bidding process, and yet seems to have closed the deal.  Close Obama friend, Martin Nesbitt was charged with overseeing the bidding process, and announced that

“Tehran University put together the most comprehensive package, committing to a very generous capital investment and a strong commitment to developing future programming.  The library will be a monument to Obama’s eight years in office, and the base from which he will launch future initiatives”.

While the costs for a domestic site were estimated around $500 million, the Tehran University site is expected to cost almost double that, provided economic sanctions are lifted before construction begins.  These figures would ensure that the library would be the most expensive in history. “TU committed to a number that blew all the domestic sites right out of the water”, noted Nesbitt’s assistant Daniel Hader, “they have the means and the will to ensure the Obama Presidential Library will be a proper monument to this great man”.   The University will also sponsor the Barack H. Obama School of International Relations, Diplomacy, and Ethics, the first school of its kind in the nation. With TU funding most of the construction,additional fundraising efforts will largely support programming and maintenance of the library. The fundraising arm of the Foundation has collected almost $5 million this year. These funds will be forwarded to the new team in Tehran, which will coordinate fundraising with both Foundation and University donor lists, hoping to ensure an effort that will fund programming and activities for generations to come.

BREAKING: NEW TERMS IN IRANIAN NUKE DEAL

An unidentified source has leaked the content of new terms demanded by the Iranian delegation in the ongoing nuclear talks being held in Switzerland.  In addition to a demand of front-loading the elimination of economic sanctions, Iran is adding a rider that would require a new 16-ounce bowl of green m&m’s on the Ayatollah’s desk each morning, and a high quality  digital recording of Secretary of State John F. Kerry singing “You’ve Got A Friend”.

Top 5 Reasons Harry Reid Will Retire

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Dirty Harry Hanging Up His Sticky Fingers At the End of Term

5.  The Mormons are finally reigning him in.  Very profitable transactions of Reid’s keep popping up after being “missed” on public disclosure statements, and they want their 10 percent tithe. What? Harry Reid is a Mormon? All this time I only knew about Mitt Romney. Who knew?

4. He’s tired of everyone asking about what really happened in that exercise “accident” on New Year’s Day.  Seriously.

3. Nancy Pelosi has been making some really inappropriate and suggestive comments to him.  And it was scary.

2. Wants to be invited on the next season of “Dancing With the Stars”.

1. Hillary Clinton told him to.

Breaking: Obama Warns, Russia Yawns

More weak talk from the White House predictably does absolutely nothing to deter the Russians from sending troops to the Ukraine. New vocabulary words already being dispensed to press: it’s not an invasion, it is an “uncontested incursion”. So nobody, especially us, has to step in. It’s very nuanced for us common folk to understand. Get back to your cocktail party, everyone, nothing to see here!

CLIFFHANGER: Biden to Decide on Presidential Run in Sept 2015

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Uh, huh, what? Vice President Joe Biden can’t come up with a reason why he shouldn’t run for president, but he’s going to think long and hard and decide next September. I can smell the smoke from here. Good Lord.

Awwwww, that’s so cute…

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There are actually TWO horse’s asses in this photo.

Dream Ticket

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On International Women’s Day: Celebrate Women Who Can Be Anti-Semitic, American-Hating Scumbags If They Want To

WASHINGTON – Secretary of State John Kerry and First Lady Michelle Obama were planning to bestow an International Woman of Courage award to Samira Ibrahim of Egypt this week.  The award has since been put on hold since Ibrahim, a women’s rights activist, seems to have been very vocal in praise of Adolf Hitler, last year’s murder of Jews in Bulgaria,  and the 9/11 attacks on the American embassy in Cairo, also last year.  Ibrahim has certainly shown that she is a woman of courage, bravely spewing violent, anti-Semitic hate in the otherwise male-dominated hatemongering world.  Break through that glass ceiling, Samira; let’s not forget that women can be destructive haters, too!  You go, girl!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Found on Facebook today