Category Archives: Mothers

Hooters Tooters (™) Coming to Your Area!

THIS IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT

Do you have a son in Middle or High School who could use a little more guidance, attention, and motivation when doing his homework?  Are you a busy working parent in search of affordable, reliable assistance?  Hooters has heard your call, and is ready to answer!  We are proud to introduce Hooters Tooters (™)  to the Boston area!

Hooters, the national breastaurant chain you know and love for its quality food, beverage, and entertaining environment has helped thousands of its own associates achieve success through high school and college. Our logo isn’t a wise Owl for nothing! Starting in September, Hooters Tooters (™) will be available to provide tutoring in your own home for Math, English, Spanish, and French. (Chinese and Chemistry will be added in January of 2017).

hootersenglish

Amber is a Math whiz, with an Associates Degree in Mathematics from Woburn Community College

Your area Hooters Tooters (™) are experts at motivating young men to do their best work! Each Hooters Tooter is specifically selected for each of the academic subjects, and are guaranteed to have fulfilled advanced high school or college level requirements in each area. An on-line Hooters Tooters (™) photo and credential listing will be available on September 1st to help you decide which of our wonderful Hooters Tooters (™) is best for you!

BigHootie

Your pupil will enjoy a delicious nutritious meal, like the Big Hootie Burger

Not only will your Hooters Tooter provide academic guidance and motivation, but she will also provide a nutritious, delicious meal for her pupil!  You will have the choice of the following dinner options: Original Hooters Style Wings, Big Hootie Burger, or the Original Hooters Chicken Strip Cheese Sandwich. Meals come with Big Dipper Fries and a large fountain drink (Hooters proudly serves refreshing Pepsi products).  A vegetarian option is not available, because, duh.

Hooters Tooters (™) may be scheduled for one-hour blocks in the comfort of your own home within a 50 mile radius of a Hooters location (see website for a location near you). We ask that you schedule no more than five hours per week, and that you select only one subject area per session. Hooters Tooters (™) charges $75 per hour (includes a delicious meal, tutoring assistance, and fabulous motivation).  All major credit cards are accepted; gratuity not included.  Scheduling begins September 1st!

 

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Who knew this would be so popular? Oh, I did…

smartmouth

Anne Taintor products of all kinds available on Amazon.com

I ordered this magnet for a few of my friends (and one for myself) for Christmas, and was not at all surprised to receive the following email from Amazon:

Hello,

Due to a lack of availability, we will not be able to obtain the following item(s) from your order:

“Anne Taintor Square Magnet, Smart Mouth Teenager”

We’ve canceled the item(s) and apologize for the inconvenience. If you see a charge for the canceled item, we will refund you within 1-2 business days.

Somebody did NOT want to work on Math today…

Just a doodle at the bottom of the page from Cranky Son #2:

liammath

Wow. Horns, cool fumanchu, and icicles on my words!!

Awwwww, these guys didn’t get enough hugs as children….

ISIS goes on violent rampage in Syria, raging against the blasphemy that is Mother’s Day, and any cakes that support it.  No cake for you!

A gift from my new favorite student

I teach a religious education class for fifth-graders at my church, and when asked how I made it through the morning with 15 of them, I replied, “liquor”. Seems to work. At least one parent has a superior sense of humor. This was tucked in a small gift bag with some candies and a beautiful olive-wood carved ornament. Fan-freaking-tastic!!

Mmmmmmm....tastes like religious education fortification!

Mmmmmmm….tastes like religious education sustenance!

A list I found….

..on my desk in Cranky Son #1’s handwriting.  The bottom of the page was torn off, so I don’t know the remaining 10 items.  Perhaps I will hunt through the trash tonight.

Top 15 things that your dad will never say

1. “Sure, take my car for a spin.”

2. “Darn, we’re lost.”

3. “Here’s a video of your mother in the shower.”

4. “My hunting rifle? Oh, sure, take it.”

5. Let’s have ice cream for breakfast!”

Summer is here. Let the games begin.

Cranky Son #1 goes to a private school, and has been done with school for well over a week now. Cranky Son #2 finally gets out of school today (public schools are sticklers for making up snow days!). Two priceless comments from a very bored Cranky Son #1 yesterday (occurred about a half an hour apart):

“Mom, what is foreplay?”

“Mom? Dad says that women have monthly cycles. Are you having your cycle right now?”

It is going to be a long summer.

“When you have a Super Bowl party….

…you put the chips out.  And they STAY out.”  Thus sayst my younger son, after throwing a total hissy fit because we put away the Doritos and other munchies while he was in the shower Sunday night after Super Bowl half-time. He stuffed his face for almost two hours, but apparently it wasn’t enough.  He was sent to bed and continued to spew his entertaining advice and to wail “I’M STILL HUNGRY!!!!”.  Last year there was crying and wailing and gnashing of teeth because the Patriots lost.  This year: Doritos.  Why do I continue to try to do something special?  Beats me. Next year I am going out.

Women are Bitches – to Each Other

Democratic Adviser Hillary Rosen opened the angry-mommy floodgates this week by arguing that Ann Romney “never worked a day in her life”, so she should not opine on economic matters.  She could have said that the Romneys have never dealt with financial hardship, so they cannot relate to Americans that are in dire financial straits, and that would have been a factual observation. But instead, she said what many liberals (to include liberal women) believe: that choosing to stay home and raise your children is an under-utilization of your skills and intelligence, and a cop-out to accepting real-world responsibility.  This was just another slap at traditional American family life, delivered by a person very close to the White House.  Ms. Rosen dug herself deeper when she “apologized” for coming off badly, but she kind of flubbed that, and I think she said exactly what she wanted to say.  Now the Democrats are running for cover to distance themselves.  But the message was delivered.  And received.

Ann Romney never had to get a job and just stayed home with her kids = Bad!

Sarah Palin was governor of a state and ran as Vice President and did not stay at home with her kids = Bad! Very, very bad!

Hillary Clinton famously commented that “I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession which I entered before my husband was in public life” = You go, girl!

Today’s feminism is not about supporting women in their almost limitless choices in this day and age, or about ensuring equal opportunities for women, or supporting women’s rights worldwide (cue the crickets on the liberal response to women’s rights worldwide).  Today’s feminism is about women applying a different set of standards to other women, depending on which side of the aisle they sit on.  And the bottom line to all of this unprincipled posing, posturing, and judging is abortion.  It seems that the unfettered right to abortion is the modern woman’s Holy Grail, and it must not be threatened in any way.  Are we seriously so “evolved” that this is the single most important issue in our lives? What does that say about us as women, if the most important issue in our lives is the ability to end one?

We do not have to agree with each others’ choices, but we must respect and support them.  To be used by politicians to apply a double standard to different women makes Ms. Rosen and her ilk unprincipled whores, plain and simple.  And I respect their decision to be whores – tools of men in power, but I certainly do not agree with their choice. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must get out of my bubble bath, stop eating my bon-bons, and get to library duty at my kids’ elementary school.

Happy Meal Lawsuit Dismissed – Sorry, Whine-Country Parents!

Hooray for common sense, and hooray for the flushing of this kind of flotsam and jetsam that clog our nation’s judicial system.  I’m lovin’ it! The suit alleged that McDonald’s engaged in a:

“predatory practice that undermines parents, causes rifts in families and harms kids’ health.”

A crappy twenty-five cent toy can do all that?  In that case, I am off to court to file suit against Apple and Nintendo, because Angry Birds and Just Dance 3 are undermining me and my husband, causing rifts in my family! Boo hoo! Get a grip, losers, and try  to start acting like grown-ups.