Category Archives: Law

BREAKING: Obscure Document Suggests President Can’t Keep Legislating from the Podium

Fresh on the heels of yet another non-legislative change to the previously Congressionally-enacted Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare), Cranky Mommy Investigations has uncovered an obscure document called the Constitution of the United States, hidden deep in the archives of the world-famous Smithsonian Institute. The document contains the ancient rules by which the country was founded and governed way back in those dark, neanderthal, rich white guy, colonial days. On its face, the document seems to define three branches of government and the responsibilities and powers of each.  But a closer reading  of all clauses suggests a “separation of powers” to encourage “checks and balances” between branches of government to ensure we don’t  become some kind of perverted dictatorship. This document is probably obsolete, however, since there were no teleprompters or opinion polls in those ancient days.  If only we were Constitutional Law Professors, this would all make sense to us!!

China Passes Law To Require Visits to Elderly Parents; US Continues Pushing Laws That Will Let you Kill Them

How can it be that China, where human life is arguably the most disposable in the world, could shame US by passing a law that requires families to visit their elderly parents, or at least “share greetings” with some frequency?  The law, an amended version of “Law of Protection of Rights and Interests of the Aged” is really fuzzy on details and definitions, but parents who feel snubbed can file suit against their miserable, ungrateful progeny. Generally no money is involved, but court-specified visitation can be ordered. Decades of “market reform” and rapid development has taken its toll on China’s extended families, and there is not a lot of infrastructure to care for the elderly who used to simply live with their families. Meanwhile, in the US, we keep trying to pass laws in many states that allow our elderly to “do the right thing” and eat poison applesauce for a “dignified death”, or to allow us to pull the plug on elders in expensive, icky, and potentially inconvenient long-term ill health.  Kind of a good thing we don’t have a law like that here – courts would be flooded with these cases, even with no money involved!

BREAKING: NFL STOPS SALES OF HERNANDEZ #81 SHIRT

Today the NFL reported that it has stopped sales of officially licensed products bearing Aaron Hernandez’ name and number (81).  They will, however, be offering t-shirts bearing his custody number (when released to the public) in green (signifying that he has not been convicted).

BREAKING: SENATE IDENTIFIES NEVADA AS “BORDER” STATE

WASHINGTON: The Senate, in passing the latest bogus amendment to its comprehensive Immigration Bill, has identified the state of Nevada as being a “border” state, which gives it equal sway to other conventional border states with respect to immigration enforcement and guidelines, etc.  Elementary school children across the country will return to school in the Fall, very confused as to the new mapping of the western United States, but if the Senate says it is so, it must be true.  They are smarter than all of us. If enacted, the CBO estimates that the Immigration Bill will spur $12 million of growth in the map re-printing sector.

More Paula Deen Missteps

This week, Food Network terminated its contract with southern chef Paula Deen, after learning that she said the “n-word” decades ago, in private conversations, and something about inappropriate jokes being told in one or more of her restaurants.  This obviously makes her some kind of racist monster who should be ostracized from society and stripped entirely of any positive image and material wealth.  The Cranky Mommy has learned, however, that this is the tip of the proverbial iceberg as far as controversial lingo is concerned. A quick search of Food Network’s website indicates that Paula routinely uses the word “cracker”, “brown sugar”, and “meatball” in her craft.  Additionally, black walnuts, dark rum, and dark meats of all kinds are used habitually in well-publicized recipes. She has produced television segments for Bananas Foster, Tennessee-Banana Black Walnut Cake, Sugar Ray’s Body Blow Ribs (Sugar Ray Leonard did not endorse this recipe), Douglas’ Dark Rum Pecan Pie (Douglas was reportedly the African-American janitor on set), and Aunt Peggy’s Praline Cheesecake (Deen’s Aunt Peggy was reportedly a homophobic, racist bitch in her own right); all of these recipes clearly code-words for oppression and degradation of African-Americans. Production team members could not be reached for comment, but more bombshells surely await.

Reason #523 Not to Tattoo Your Name on Your Back

It makes it easier to identify you when you are recorded committing crimes. Freaky-deaky crimes. Which is how they caught this character. Here are a couple of tidbits:

Then, in what will surely repulse Dr. John’s staffers, Perales walked into the manager’s office, removed his clothes, opened some of the merchandise, and “began to please himself anally on the manager’s desk and futon/couch.”

During his time inside the store, “Perales proceeded to try on female lingerie and experiment with sex toys for approximately two hours,” the complaint notes. When he departed Dr. John’s he was “wearing a dress and blond wig belonging to the business.” He also left with a bag “containing various items belonging to the business.”

This guy was obviously bored by the cable offerings on Friday night. He had a couple of hours to kill before he had to pick up his kids from the movies. You can read the whole thing at TMZ.

Epi Pens = YES, Rectal Syringes = NO

In today’s world, many parents have been faced with having an Epi (epinephrine) pen thrust at them when another parent drops off a child that has a severe allergy of some kind. The first time it happened to me, the Dad dropped the kid, chucked the Epi kit at me, and ditched without saying a word.  Ok, not so helpful, and a teensy bit scary. Other parents have asked in advance about my comfort level with administering Epi, etc. and I appreciate the head’s up.  The Epi pens have clear instructions on them, and in the event of an emergency, you simply plunge that bad boy into the child’s thigh and push. Quite simple. So simple that children are taught to do this themselves at an early age.

On a somewhat related note, I read about a recreation group in Illinois being sued under the Americans With disabilities Act because they refused to administer the following epilepsy medication at their camp:

The medication, Diastat AcuDial, comes in a pre-filled syringe with a plastic tip and must be administered through a person’s rectum.

Ummmm. For real? Ask yourself if you want a camp counselor to administer anything through your child’s rectum.  Ask the parent at your child’s next playdate if they would be ok with that.  Ask yourself how psyched you would be to administer that to your own kids??? Talk this one up at your next PTO meeting or cocktail party. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

NYQUIL VS. HYDROCHLORIC ACID: Which required ID to purchase?

I went to Target the other day to spend approximately 20% of my husband’s take-home pay (as we tend to do here in the affluent suburbs).  Now that they sell groceries, there is nothing I can’t get there!  Included in my purchases was a bottle of NyQuil.  Well, not really NyQuil, but the Target generic brand of NyQuil – it’s almost three bucks cheaper!  Upon checking out, the emaciated young cashier asked for my ID.  For the faux NyQuil.  Huh? He didn’t just look at it, he scanned it!  That makes me not so happy, now that Target, and probably “the man”, has all the info on my purchases in addition to my personal information.

Later that same day, I went to the local hardware store to get some hydrochloric acid for my son’s science fair experiment (something about the relationship between pH and boiling points). I walked in and asked for it, was shown directly to the shelf, and had my choice of quart or gallon jugs of hydrochloric acid (called muriatic acid which is really a 38% solution of hydrochloric acid).  I selected a quart and went up to the cashier.  Nobody asked for ID.

I started laughing and shared my story of Target and generic NyQuil. Soon there were four employees yucking it up in the front of the store, and they shared the fact that they cannot sell spray paint to anyone under 18.  I reminded them that it is Pinewood derby season in the suburbs, and they laughingly told me that Cub Scouts need not apply!  I paid cash for my dangerous acid, and scoffed at them, reminding them that they had no idea who I was, or what my intentions were for the acid!  Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! As I left, one of the gents shouted “HAVE FUN WITH YOUR ACID!!!”.  Does this make any sense?

Lawmaking Priorities in the U.S. versus the Middle East

Here in the United States, we keep reading about the stupid things our elected representatives choose to spend time on. For example, this week we have proposals  for the following rules and legislation:

Not allowing children of farmers to work on, well, farms.

The wise people of Concord, MA voted to ban the sale of water in plastic bottles (one liter or less in size).  We’ll have to wait for the outcome of the Kitty Leash Law question until their Town Meeting.

Removing all references to the word “lunatic” in the U.S. Code (after making sure it won’t actually change a law or anything).  It seems it is found in “at least one place”.  And it is hurtful and insensitive.  The other words found in Title 1 Chapter one are apparently ok: “”the words ‘insane’ and ‘insane person’ and ‘lunatic’ shall include every idiot, lunatic, insane person, and person non compos mentis.” Much better! Thank you Reps. Conrad (D-N.D.) and Crapo (R-Idaho).

South Greensburg, PA now limits its residents to only two yard sales per year.  And you have to get a permit.  This is especially ominous now that warm weather has arrived!

Sounds silly, yes?  But it turns out that our brothers and sisters in the Middle East really take it to the next level:

In Egypt, Parliament has introduced a bill giving husbands the legal right to have intercourse with their dead wives for up to six hours after death.  It is called “farewell intercourse”.  How sweet. I am sure the man who would like to have sex with his dead wife was a real prince while she was alive!

In Saudi Arabia, schools and universities have been instructed not to admit gays and tomboys, unless the behavior is corrected. Why should they be any different?  Girls still cannot play sports in school, and women can’t drive.  It’s all part of the plan. Yawn.

What conclusions can we draw?  Well, our government is full of boneheads that spend time and resources on stupid-ass things (infuriating) that don’t warrant legislation or rule.  I call it “legislating stupidity”. Governments in other parts of the world are truly off their freaking rockers.  Consider ourselves lucky?

Happy Meal Lawsuit Dismissed – Sorry, Whine-Country Parents!

Hooray for common sense, and hooray for the flushing of this kind of flotsam and jetsam that clog our nation’s judicial system.  I’m lovin’ it! The suit alleged that McDonald’s engaged in a:

“predatory practice that undermines parents, causes rifts in families and harms kids’ health.”

A crappy twenty-five cent toy can do all that?  In that case, I am off to court to file suit against Apple and Nintendo, because Angry Birds and Just Dance 3 are undermining me and my husband, causing rifts in my family! Boo hoo! Get a grip, losers, and try  to start acting like grown-ups.