Category Archives: Education

Hooters Tooters (™) Coming to Your Area!

THIS IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT

Do you have a son in Middle or High School who could use a little more guidance, attention, and motivation when doing his homework?  Are you a busy working parent in search of affordable, reliable assistance?  Hooters has heard your call, and is ready to answer!  We are proud to introduce Hooters Tooters (™)  to the Boston area!

Hooters, the national breastaurant chain you know and love for its quality food, beverage, and entertaining environment has helped thousands of its own associates achieve success through high school and college. Our logo isn’t a wise Owl for nothing! Starting in September, Hooters Tooters (™) will be available to provide tutoring in your own home for Math, English, Spanish, and French. (Chinese and Chemistry will be added in January of 2017).

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Amber is a Math whiz, with an Associates Degree in Mathematics from Woburn Community College

Your area Hooters Tooters (™) are experts at motivating young men to do their best work! Each Hooters Tooter is specifically selected for each of the academic subjects, and are guaranteed to have fulfilled advanced high school or college level requirements in each area. An on-line Hooters Tooters (™) photo and credential listing will be available on September 1st to help you decide which of our wonderful Hooters Tooters (™) is best for you!

BigHootie

Your pupil will enjoy a delicious nutritious meal, like the Big Hootie Burger

Not only will your Hooters Tooter provide academic guidance and motivation, but she will also provide a nutritious, delicious meal for her pupil!  You will have the choice of the following dinner options: Original Hooters Style Wings, Big Hootie Burger, or the Original Hooters Chicken Strip Cheese Sandwich. Meals come with Big Dipper Fries and a large fountain drink (Hooters proudly serves refreshing Pepsi products).  A vegetarian option is not available, because, duh.

Hooters Tooters (™) may be scheduled for one-hour blocks in the comfort of your own home within a 50 mile radius of a Hooters location (see website for a location near you). We ask that you schedule no more than five hours per week, and that you select only one subject area per session. Hooters Tooters (™) charges $75 per hour (includes a delicious meal, tutoring assistance, and fabulous motivation).  All major credit cards are accepted; gratuity not included.  Scheduling begins September 1st!

 

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Why do Texas Middle Schools hate Asthmatic kids?

Two weeks ago a Texas middle-schooler was suspended and sentenced to 30 days of alternative school for sharing her inhaler with a fellow student who was having an asthma attack.  Both girls have been charged with “sharing a controlled substance”, and both face this stiff “automatic” punishment.  Both girls’ parents are concerned with alternative school because their daughter would be with those kids that have real drug and violence problems.  Alternative school is legislatively mandated in Texas for kids who have been asked to leave the classroom for such reasons as drug use, violence toward teachers or students, sexual offenses.  Here’s the whole scoop.

Then this week, another Texas middle-schooler was suspended for using a profanity and leaving the classroom.  Important note: he left the classroom to carry a classmate to the nurse’s office.  The classmate was suffering an asthma attack, and had passed out and had fallen out of her chair.  The teacher was waiting on an email back from the nurse before acting on the situation.  Story here.

“We ain’t got time to wait for no email from the nurse.” – Suspended Student

Hello? Have we lost all ability to reason?  If my kid falls out of her chair while having an obvious asthma attack, you’re telling me you will sit your ass down and wait for an email back from the nurse before sending her to get medical attention? Is that standard policy?  Any word of whether this is standard protocol?  Teacher discipline? Common sense police citation? Jeez, people, zero tolerance policies continue to make educational institutions silly and sometimes dangerous places.

Somebody did NOT want to work on Math today…

Just a doodle at the bottom of the page from Cranky Son #2:

liammath

Wow. Horns, cool fumanchu, and icicles on my words!!

Tehran University Wins Bid for Obama Presidential Library

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Go Blue Jackals!

TEHRAN, IRAN – The Barack Obama Foundation has announced that Tehran University will be the site of the Obama Presidential Library.

The announcement comes after almost a year of behind-the-scenes negotiations and jockeying, largely among the University of Illinois at Chicago, University of Chicago, University of Hawaii, and Coumbia University.  The Tehran University was a late entrant to the bidding process, and yet seems to have closed the deal.  Close Obama friend, Martin Nesbitt was charged with overseeing the bidding process, and announced that

“Tehran University put together the most comprehensive package, committing to a very generous capital investment and a strong commitment to developing future programming.  The library will be a monument to Obama’s eight years in office, and the base from which he will launch future initiatives”.

While the costs for a domestic site were estimated around $500 million, the Tehran University site is expected to cost almost double that, provided economic sanctions are lifted before construction begins.  These figures would ensure that the library would be the most expensive in history. “TU committed to a number that blew all the domestic sites right out of the water”, noted Nesbitt’s assistant Daniel Hader, “they have the means and the will to ensure the Obama Presidential Library will be a proper monument to this great man”.   The University will also sponsor the Barack H. Obama School of International Relations, Diplomacy, and Ethics, the first school of its kind in the nation. With TU funding most of the construction,additional fundraising efforts will largely support programming and maintenance of the library. The fundraising arm of the Foundation has collected almost $5 million this year. These funds will be forwarded to the new team in Tehran, which will coordinate fundraising with both Foundation and University donor lists, hoping to ensure an effort that will fund programming and activities for generations to come.

Today’s the big day….hope you turned in your permission slip!

A school in Pennsylvania required a permission slip to eat an Oreo cookie after a science lab.  Cranky Mommy could not confirm the grade level for this activity, but they were Double Stuff Oreos, so probably at least eighth grade.

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You already know who they are….

Even though your kids are still kind of young, you have already figured out which kids’ parents will be the “friend parents”, and which will remain actual parental units. You already know who will be buying their kids beer. You know which kids will get cars the second they get their licenses. You know which parents don’t believe in too much discipline. You know which ones will want the kids to have a big co-ed overnight party at a hotel on prom night.  But do you know which parent will represent your spoiled rotten child in court to sue your ass for private school tuition? and then college tuition? Better figure it out soon –

A New Jersey high school senior sued her parents, accusing them of tossing her out of the family home when she turned 18 and refusing to pay for her private high school and college education.

The article about it on CNN does not inform the reader that the parent of one of the princess’s friends is footing the bill for her legal fees.  It seems princess did not want to follow the rules of the house, so she moved out.  Luckily the first part of the lawsuit was tossed, but there is more to come, since princess has been accepted into a number of fine colleges.  She wants to be a biomedical engineer!

Jeez – Did any of these bright women consider putting clothes on it?

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“Ahhhhh, offensive statuary alert!”

Wellesley College is in a tizzy about a statue of a realistic-looking man in his underwear, supposedly sleepwalking. The bright young women of Wellesley have started a petition, and are outraged because the statue us making them feel creeped out, and may trigger memories of sexual abuse or assault. The statue is on the sidewalk of a well-trafficked pathway. Did anybody consider putting a poncho on it? A winter coat? At least a hat? Those inferior public school kids would have already put a zombie mask on that thing, or would have dressed him as a Domino’s delivery man complete with pizza boxes. Or wrapped him up in toilet paper a la The Mummy.  The same elite universities that encourage movements like Occupy (pooping on police cars and “civil” disobedience) have created a campus environment of victimization and helplessness, where everything you disagree with or deem unseemly must be removed, deleted, or erased completely, then buried in a deep, dark  hole forever. Civilly put some clothes on that dude, ladies! God forbid you have some fun with this.  Who’s going to arrest you?

SHOCK: Women’s Studies, Philosophy Not in Top 6 Most Lucrative College Majors

One of our local papers published the six top-paid college majors for recent graduates, and Women’s Studies, Philosophy, and English are NOT on their list. Dubious as it may be, the degrees were all STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Science) majors. Decide for yourself:

Petroleum Engineering
Actuarial Mathematics
Nuclear Engineering
Chemical Engineering
Aerospace Engineering
Electrical Engineering/Computer Engineering (tie)

There you have it – If you think $300,000 for an Art History or Horticulture or French Literature degree is a good deal for your kids who will live in your basement until you die, then have at it!

A gift from my new favorite student

I teach a religious education class for fifth-graders at my church, and when asked how I made it through the morning with 15 of them, I replied, “liquor”. Seems to work. At least one parent has a superior sense of humor. This was tucked in a small gift bag with some candies and a beautiful olive-wood carved ornament. Fan-freaking-tastic!!

Mmmmmmm....tastes like religious education fortification!

Mmmmmmm….tastes like religious education sustenance!

Can you tell Cranky Son #1 Goes to Private School?

Scary, scary, potentially life-threatening art project

Scary, scary, potentially life-threatening art project

I can – because he selected this as his art project this year and was not suspended, prosecuted, or otherwise harassed.  I did not get a single phone call from school or from the parents of any frightened classmates.  The theme was “action in sports”, in a papier mache and wire medium.  One other student selected the same topic.  At his old school, he wouldn’t have made it past the talking about it out loud stage.  Detail is important, and if you look carefully, the shooter is wearing protective glasses and ear protection.