THIS IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT
Do you have a son in Middle or High School who could use a little more guidance, attention, and motivation when doing his homework? Are you a busy working parent in search of affordable, reliable assistance? Hooters has heard your call, and is ready to answer! We are proud to introduce Hooters Tooters (™) to the Boston area!
Hooters, the national breastaurant chain you know and love for its quality food, beverage, and entertaining environment has helped thousands of its own associates achieve success through high school and college. Our logo isn’t a wise Owl for nothing! Starting in September, Hooters Tooters (™) will be available to provide tutoring in your own home for Math, English, Spanish, and French. (Chinese and Chemistry will be added in January of 2017).
Your area Hooters Tooters (™) are experts at motivating young men to do their best work! Each Hooters Tooter is specifically selected for each of the academic subjects, and are guaranteed to have fulfilled advanced high school or college level requirements in each area. An on-line Hooters Tooters (™) photo and credential listing will be available on September 1st to help you decide which of our wonderful Hooters Tooters (™) is best for you!
Not only will your Hooters Tooter provide academic guidance and motivation, but she will also provide a nutritious, delicious meal for her pupil! You will have the choice of the following dinner options: Original Hooters Style Wings, Big Hootie Burger, or the Original Hooters Chicken Strip Cheese Sandwich. Meals come with Big Dipper Fries and a large fountain drink (Hooters proudly serves refreshing Pepsi products). A vegetarian option is not available, because, duh.
Hooters Tooters (™) may be scheduled for one-hour blocks in the comfort of your own home within a 50 mile radius of a Hooters location (see website for a location near you). We ask that you schedule no more than five hours per week, and that you select only one subject area per session. Hooters Tooters (™) charges $75 per hour (includes a delicious meal, tutoring assistance, and fabulous motivation). All major credit cards are accepted; gratuity not included. Scheduling begins September 1st!
First, my fave Ray Allen leaves to get a ring with the loathsome Miami Heat (and got it, much to Cranky Hubby’s chagrin), then Doc jumps ship (for a better chance at a ring), and now Kevin Garnett (and Paul Pierce) are gone. Doc and Danny Ainge were as successful as they were in large part to the leadership, work ethic, and passion that KG brought to the Celtics. KG was the reason Ray came to Boston in the first place, and he taught Paul Pierce to stop playing hero ball and actually play defense (though hero ball returned last season). He taught the young ones about working hard, playing defense, being a team, and he still literally barked at opposing teams’ rookies all over the league. I will miss you, Kevin – try not to kick Celtic ass too hard next season. But I wonder if you will delete your own cell number and refuse to shake your own hand now that you’ve jumped ship.
Today the NFL reported that it has stopped sales of officially licensed products bearing Aaron Hernandez’ name and number (81). They will, however, be offering t-shirts bearing his custody number (when released to the public) in green (signifying that he has not been convicted).
..and more like sensitivity training, or indoctrination of some kind, but certainly not education. Maybe this will be a weekly feature.
High school teen in Florida suspended for disarming a fellow student. He did not follow the “do nothing, be a victim” program that your intellectual superiors would prefer.
A third-grader in Michigan had his birthday cupcakes with plastic army men on them taken away for being insensitive. HOW THE HELL DID THOSE CUPCAKES GET PAST SECURITY INTO A PUBLIC SCHOOL???
A second-grader in Maryland was suspended for two days for fashioning an obviously realistic-looking handgun out of a pop tart, and pretend shooting with his pretend gun. NEWS FLASH: little boys will make anything into a gun: plastic silverware, paper bags, dryer lint, crayons, pinecones, those little baby carrots I put in their lunches, etc.
New York City high school students require a lot of remedial help in order to function in community college. How many? Oh, just around 80% of them. The NYC Board of Education boasts a 40% increase in graduation rates over the last 7 years, and claims that the number needing remedial help has dropped around a half a point. NYC schools are budgeted for around $8 billion per year. You do the math.
Finally, there is a big snowstorm in the Boston area today, and many people are upset that the City of Boston did not cancel school. Thousands of children were absent today, but school officials have announced that children not in school today will be marked “constructively present”. I am sure they were home doing extra math problems, or science fair experiments or something equally “constructive”. No bonus if you actually showed up to school today.
METROWEST MASSACHUSETTS: Fed up with the ever-increasing regulations on children’s school lunches sent from home, and reports of unacceptable food “discipline” in other parts of the country, a group of Massachusetts parents have announced that they would like to hold a “Coke and Twinkies” lunch day in all Massachusetts public schools. The event aims to reinforce the concept that parents make the decisions as to what’s in their children’s homemade lunches (except for peanuts and tree nuts, and strictly banned items, of course). Samantha Freeman, mother of 3 elementary school children in Middlesex County says “One lunch like this won’t hurt anybody, and it will send a message to the schools that our parental prerogatives are being ignored. Schools and teacher groups generally support all those “Occupy” movements, well this is an “occupy the cafeteria” situation.” Ms. Blackburn suggests that parents pack Coke and Twinkies, or other frowned-upon lunch items in addition to their child’s regular lunch on Friday, March 30th. The group hopes that word of mouth will make the coordinated presence of junk foods in the cafeteria noticeable to school administrators, who should take note of the “protest”. The group hopes readers will forward this information to potential participants.
Note: The National Center for Public Policy Research held a “Lunch-In” on February 23rd in Washington DC to protest the aggressive guidelines increasingly applied to homemade lunches.
BOSTON: Massachusetts legislators have banned chocolate milk from public schools in the Commonwealth beginning in the 2012-2013 school year, as part of its “Superior Parenting for You (SPY)” campaign that targets making better choices for your children, because parents are completely unqualified to do so. One of the stated goals of the SPY program is to “provide consistent, state-mandated guidance in as many areas as possible for the children of our Commonwealth”, and to “maximize the state’s positive influences as much as possible during the school day”. “We are giving parents a helping hand in this crazy, stressful world” boasts SPY Director Nina “Nanny” Rousseau. Critics claim that the ban of something innocuous like chocolate milk may cause public school children to seethe with anger when they find that their private school brethren can still swill down the calcium, vitamin, and protein-laden chocolately goodness, causing concerns about widening the gulf between the “haves and have-nots”. Massachusetts parents need not worry, though: public schools can still distribute condoms and birth control pills without your consent, and in some cases provide gynecological services without parental permission. Private schools can’t do THAT. These education professionals know what they are doing, so just stand back and let them work!
My Cranky Boys shown here on Spectacle Island, in Boston Harbor last week. They learned about getting “wet and sandy” by watching the Discovery Channel’s documentary that followed a class through the six-month Navy Seal BUD/S training program. For those unfamiliar with the term, its tip #9 in the ‘Top 10 Thinks to Know Before BUD/S” from Military.com‘s fitness center:
9. Wet and Sandy
Jumping into the ocean then rolling around in the sand is a standard form of punishment / motivation for the class at BUD/S. It is cold and not comfortable, so you just have to prepare yourself for getting wet and sandy everyday at BUD/S. On days that you do not get wet and sandy, it will be the same feeling as getting off early at work on a three-day weekend!
Beware: after watching the videos, your kids may start saying things like “let’s do some log PT?”, “it pays to be a winner”, “second place is first loser”, and “the only easy day was yesterday”. Take your chances.
…in Boston at the Tea Party on Wednesday, the 14th. It was a pretty mellow gathering, truth be told. Someone today asked me how it was, and I said “it was nice”. I was in Worcester last year, and it was really rowdy, but I was hanging with some older folks in Boston, and it was very low-key (and I wandered around a lot, and I didn’t see much rowdy at all). I forgot how pretty Boston is in springtime, and it was a beautiful day to see Sarah P. in Massachusetts(!), get a burrito from my favorite cart vendor, and feel the rumble of the MBTA beneath my park bench as I basked in the midday sun for the quietest lunch I’ve had in years.
….unless you pull the ripcord! We can keep hurtling to our detriment toward the cold, hard, ground, or we can slow down the pace of our descent, giving us time to figure out the best way to land and start over. Pulling the ripcord can only be done by electing Scott Brown to the US Senate. Any way you slice it, he’s the answer to most of our ills right now, and will send the message that the days of backroom deals, bribes, government takeovers, and outright thuggery are over. REMEMBER TO VOTE!