Tehran University Wins Bid for Obama Presidential Library

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Go Blue Jackals!

TEHRAN, IRAN – The Barack Obama Foundation has announced that Tehran University will be the site of the Obama Presidential Library.

The announcement comes after almost a year of behind-the-scenes negotiations and jockeying, largely among the University of Illinois at Chicago, University of Chicago, University of Hawaii, and Coumbia University.  The Tehran University was a late entrant to the bidding process, and yet seems to have closed the deal.  Close Obama friend, Martin Nesbitt was charged with overseeing the bidding process, and announced that

“Tehran University put together the most comprehensive package, committing to a very generous capital investment and a strong commitment to developing future programming.  The library will be a monument to Obama’s eight years in office, and the base from which he will launch future initiatives”.

While the costs for a domestic site were estimated around $500 million, the Tehran University site is expected to cost almost double that, provided economic sanctions are lifted before construction begins.  These figures would ensure that the library would be the most expensive in history. “TU committed to a number that blew all the domestic sites right out of the water”, noted Nesbitt’s assistant Daniel Hader, “they have the means and the will to ensure the Obama Presidential Library will be a proper monument to this great man”.   The University will also sponsor the Barack H. Obama School of International Relations, Diplomacy, and Ethics, the first school of its kind in the nation. With TU funding most of the construction,additional fundraising efforts will largely support programming and maintenance of the library. The fundraising arm of the Foundation has collected almost $5 million this year. These funds will be forwarded to the new team in Tehran, which will coordinate fundraising with both Foundation and University donor lists, hoping to ensure an effort that will fund programming and activities for generations to come.

Attention: It is April 2nd. PLEASE take down those Christmas Wreaths.

A pet peeve of mine are those sad, crunchy brown Christmas wreaths that adorn houses all over the suburbs.  I know they tend to become invisible (you’ve become “wreath-blind”), and I know we have had an insane amount of snow, but man, they are a fire hazard!  They could go up at any moment.  Easter is Sunday.  Please take a moment for the safety of your family, and take down those wreaths!

BREAKING: NEW TERMS IN IRANIAN NUKE DEAL

An unidentified source has leaked the content of new terms demanded by the Iranian delegation in the ongoing nuclear talks being held in Switzerland.  In addition to a demand of front-loading the elimination of economic sanctions, Iran is adding a rider that would require a new 16-ounce bowl of green m&m’s on the Ayatollah’s desk each morning, and a high quality  digital recording of Secretary of State John F. Kerry singing “You’ve Got A Friend”.

Best Bar Mitzvah – Evah!

I’ve been to a lot of Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties in my day, but none as rowdy as this one reported in the Arizona Daily Independent.  They are family events, no? This Arizona event takes the cake, but only for the seven young guests who go got to fondle a very drunk yoga instructor’s new breasts.  And although you may be men at 13 years of age (mazel tov!), only the 15-year old was treated to a happy ending.  Think there is a lot of Facebook evidence of this shindig? Read the whole thing.

Top 5 Reasons Harry Reid Will Retire

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Dirty Harry Hanging Up His Sticky Fingers At the End of Term

5.  The Mormons are finally reigning him in.  Very profitable transactions of Reid’s keep popping up after being “missed” on public disclosure statements, and they want their 10 percent tithe. What? Harry Reid is a Mormon? All this time I only knew about Mitt Romney. Who knew?

4. He’s tired of everyone asking about what really happened in that exercise “accident” on New Year’s Day.  Seriously.

3. Nancy Pelosi has been making some really inappropriate and suggestive comments to him.  And it was scary.

2. Wants to be invited on the next season of “Dancing With the Stars”.

1. Hillary Clinton told him to.

Today’s the big day….hope you turned in your permission slip!

A school in Pennsylvania required a permission slip to eat an Oreo cookie after a science lab.  Cranky Mommy could not confirm the grade level for this activity, but they were Double Stuff Oreos, so probably at least eighth grade.

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Parallel Universe/Black Hole Alert

Bizarro Superman, Coming Soon?

Bizarro Superman, Coming Soon?

Scientists at the CERN center in Geneva are going to crank up the Large Hadron Collider  this week, hoping to detect or even create miniature black holes.  If they are successful, they can even reveal parallel universes.  Does that mean like Bizarro world on the Superfriends?  I’m no physicist, but aren’t even teensy tiny black holes kinda dangerous?  Hmmmm.  It’s supposed to be a “game-changer”. Stay tuned and keep an eye on your event horizon.

Awwwww, these guys didn’t get enough hugs as children….

ISIS goes on violent rampage in Syria, raging against the blasphemy that is Mother’s Day, and any cakes that support it.  No cake for you!

BREAKING: Obscure Document Suggests President Can’t Keep Legislating from the Podium

Fresh on the heels of yet another non-legislative change to the previously Congressionally-enacted Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare), Cranky Mommy Investigations has uncovered an obscure document called the Constitution of the United States, hidden deep in the archives of the world-famous Smithsonian Institute. The document contains the ancient rules by which the country was founded and governed way back in those dark, neanderthal, rich white guy, colonial days. On its face, the document seems to define three branches of government and the responsibilities and powers of each.  But a closer reading  of all clauses suggests a “separation of powers” to encourage “checks and balances” between branches of government to ensure we don’t  become some kind of perverted dictatorship. This document is probably obsolete, however, since there were no teleprompters or opinion polls in those ancient days.  If only we were Constitutional Law Professors, this would all make sense to us!!

Real Housewives of Dubai – New Episode on BRAVO!

This week the ladies show their serious side by worrying about the recent crime wave in Dubai: obscene gestures while driving and questionable handshakes;  they discuss whether or not car seats will ever be required by law in the kingdom; the ladies figure out how to download two books recently banned by the Committee for the Prevention of Vice and Promotion of Virtue .

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