Fashion Week to Kick off with Pelosi Signature Shoes

Nancy Pelosi-Inspired "Debate Boot"

Fashion Week will officially kick off in New York City on September 10th, and a surprise late-entrant to the General Motors-sponsored show will be  the Nancy Pelosi-inspired “Speak to the Heel!” line of shoes. “They’re not so much shoes as they are jack-boots” said Martin Bouvier, designer of the line, “They say to the world that the wearer won’t take their crap, and will step on the throats of dissenters!”. Of course, Speaker Pelosi endorsed the shoes two months ago while avoiding meeting her constituents face to face in San Francisco. The line will include five different shoes, only two of which have been previewed: the ‘Debate Boot’ and the ‘Heel to the Throat’ formal shoe. While Mrs. Pelosi was unavailable for comment on the shoes or where they will be manufactured, a spokesperson indicated that “Speaker Pelosi is thrilled with the end product, and wants the ladies out there to know that being a powerful woman who can shut down debate on just about anything can be stylish, oh, and that racism will be dealt with severely.”

BREAKING: New Element Discovered

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science.  The new element has been named Pelosium.  Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

The symbol of Pelosium is PU.

Pelosium’s mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.  This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium

Michael Jackson could torpedo Healthcare AND Climate Change – From the Grave!

Washington – Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi today decreed that there will be no formal resolution by the House to honor the late Michael Jackson.  It seems that the opinions of the fragile Democrat majority differ so greatly on the matter, that it’s not worth the risk of public scorn or ridicule if a resolution were to come up.  The Speaker has decided that anyone may make a personal statement of affection or adoration about the King of Pop, but no formal resolution will be submitted for a vote so that nobody will find out which Democrats think he was a perverted bugger.  Health care and climate change initiatives are too important to be derailed by a nonbinding controversial resolution.

Don’t worry, Nancy – I believe you.

I know, I know, I couldn’t type it with a straight face, so I’m sure you couldn’t read it with one, either.  I just read an article from one of my favorite sites that confirms that she’s always been a bit behind in current events.

Pope’s emergency exorcism on Pelosi

VATICAN CITY: Today’s private meeting between House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Pope Benedict XVI did not go as Speaker Pelosi had planned.  Her contingent had a group visit with the pontiff, followed by a 15 minute private session with only the Speaker and her husband.  Based on limited information disclosed by the Office of the Holy See, we are led to believe that His Holiness sprang into action with a younger priest and Mr. Pelosi to exorcise the demons that reside inside the Speaker, who is deep down a good, Catholic girl, and not an abortion-pushing heathen. 

Later in the day, Pelosi spoke kindly about her visit, about showing the Pope family pictures, while in fact, she had been scolded and exorcised for the full 15 minutes.  Vatican officials will monitor her recovery carefully.  The Office of the Holy See released only this snippet of their meeting, recorded for church purposes:

Exorcism is a Catholic ritual performed in only specialized circumstances by very few specially trained priests. The practice dates back to the times of Jesus, who performed exorcisms several times according to New Testament writings.