See? Hot dogs must promote longevity!

Oscar Mayer, 95, passed away today at a hospice in Wisconsin. Mr. Mayer was the third Oscar Mayer to run the family-named company before eventually selling it to Kraft Foods. This somehow  proves that hot dogs are not bad for your health, and probably preserve you in some fashion, to live to a ripe old age of 95. Think about how many wieners that guy ate during his lifetime!

We should recall that Ernest and Julio Gallo (of Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery) lived to be 97 and 83, respectively, essentially proving that wine is a healthy food.  Ettore Boiardi (Chef Boyardee) lived to be 88, Jimmy Dean of sausage fame is alive and kicking at age 81,  and Wally Amos (Famous Amos cookies) is just fine at 73. 

It looks like hot dogs, wine, pasta, sausage and cookies are actually super-foods… dig in and live longer!

BREAKING: FEDS MAY TAKE YOUR NYQUIL

So the government is changing the rules on light bulbs, then it says Cheerios are a drug, then they decide that the FDA should regulate cigarettes (?), then they’re busying themselves with ‘Cap and Trade’ legislation to help even out cow farts and electricity generation,  but NOW the government is talking about pulling combination cold medicines like NYQUIL off the shelves!  What the hell????  Manufacturers could lose hundreds of millions of dollars a year – but why worry about that, when there are hundreds of morons who don’t read the directions to over-the-counter medications, and end up in emergency rooms or dead?   Don’t worry, you’ll still be able to buy cigarettes, but not that dangerous Nyquil.  When you feel like crap, but still have to show up at your job, or still take care of the kids, all you have left at the end of the day is a big slug of NYQUIL to help you get to sleep and get better.  The ads are true – it’s the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest medicine.  PLEASE don’t take that away.  I’m off to the CVS right now to stock up on Nyquil and regular light bulbs.  God help us.

You don’t say!

The Chairman and Owner of the Dole Food Company has presented a list of the 33 most healthy foods to promote longevity, and the first one on the list is (drum roll,please): PINEAPPLE.  You don’t say.  It must be true, because Oprah had him on her show and followed him around for a day. I’m just happy he included the fact that he does 60 minutes of exercise a day (not a minor point).  Read the article at the Huff.