Those poor over-worked, underappreciated bastards in Congress. Here’s the October House calendar posted on-line by House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Maryland) I promise I haven’t photo-shopped it at all. They don’t even mark up all those empty dates as “District Time”, but I guess “Hiding from Constituents” doesn’t look good right, either. Blank was the better choice. Here’s the kicker: they haven’t even passed a budget yet, and they won’t be back until mid-November!
Now here’s MY house calendar, it probably looks a lot like yours. All that pesky working and schooling takes so much time, doesn’t it? It seems my family has way more to do and more responsibilities than do our elected representatives. This calendar doesn’t even include the basics of housekeeping, groceries, laundry, etc. Our family budget has been in place for some time now. Imagine that!
WASHINGTON: The recent mass exodus of Congress from the capitol last week was not the result of cowardice or political maneuvering, but of bedbugs. Unofficial reports indicate that both chambers of Congress are crawling with cimex lectularia, commonly known as bedbugs. The predicament is unsurprising to one member of the capitol’s janitorial staff, “think about it, these people jet all over the place, staying at hotels on the taxpayer’s nickel. Of course they’re bringing back bedbugs from their travels. Probably the flu, too!” There has been no official statement on the situation, and Congress plans to return to session after the November 15, when the lame duck session will perhaps attempt to pass a federal budget (one of its most basic duties), and decide whether to allow the Obama tax increases to take effect in January. Until then, a different kind of parasite will reside in the capitol until after the mid-term elections.
Gary Coleman, 42, child star of ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ died yesterday after being removed from life support in a hospital in Provo, Utah. Although it seems that he turned out better than his child co-stars (Dana Plato, suicide; Todd Bridges, tried and acquitted of attempted murder), Mr. Coleman still had his share of issues: ongoing health problems associated with kidney disease, repeated interaction with law enforcement, financial problems, several attempted suicide attempts, and estrangement from his immediate family.
What strikes me as most intriguing about this story, however, is how quickly his wife “pulled the plug” on Mr. Coleman after he slipped into a coma. According to news accounts: Mr. Coleman suffered a brain hemorrhage at his home Wednesday evening (some reports say he “fell”). By the account of his manager, John Alcantar, Mr. Coleman was “conscious and lucid” Thursday morning, and he apparently slipped into a coma that afternoon. News accounts further report that he was removed from life support at 12:05pm on Friday. So hold on a minute: he supposedly fell in his home, suffered a hemorrhage, slipped into a coma and was unplugged in less than 36 hours? Can that be right?
I imagine a team of doctors striding into Mr. Coleman’s hospital room as he lay in a coma, attempting to update Mr. Coleman’s wife, Shannon Prince:
As the doctor is looking up from his charts, he says,
“Mrs. Coleman, I’ve been reviewing your husband’s test results, and although he’s only been here a few hours, I think our best course of action is to …are you unplugging that machine? Wait a minute..”.
“I know you’ve tried everything, but Gary said he didn’t want to suffer, and didn’t want to live this way…”.
“Ma’am, we’ve hardly tried anything yet, and he’s only been here around 8 hours, I think we should finish our evaluation -”.
“..for not even a minute. I’ve been praying for a miracle that never happened! And, and, and he said he never wanted to be a burden”.
“A burden??? You haven’t even been here long enough to start paying for parking for God’s sake”.
“Yes, a burden – I’m a busy, vibrant woman, and I’ve got an appointment with my personal trainer in 45 minutes.”
“Oh, well why didn’t you say so? We could have skipped the whole silly evaluation. Carry on, then.”
NOTE: The United States House of Representatives honored Mr. Coleman during yesterday’s session. The venerable Rep. Diane Watson eloquently delivers a brief comment. She notes that he was “small in statue“. This Congress is on top of the latest breaking news!
Adult film star Stormy Daniels is considering a run for a Louisiana senate seat. Senator David Vitter (R) is up for re-election in 2010, but has been caught in a scandal in which his phone number was found in the records of DC Madam Deborah Palfrey. An internet based “Draft Stormy” campaign has begun, and Ms. Daniels says she has much soul-searching to do to determine if she’ll enter the race.
What type of scandal could arise when you elect an adult film star to Congress?? None. You know everything before they take office; they’re excellent business people; you know ahead of time who’s going to get screwed. It would really take all the drama and nonsense out of politics. Frankly, I’d be surprised if an adult film star would lower herself to enter the tawdry world of politics.
