BREAKING: Racist Tea-Party Palin Supporters Bounce Brandy from ‘Dancing’

This week’s episode of ABC’s Dancing With the Stars saw Brandy, a strong favorite, voted out, while Bristol Palin advanced to the next round.  ABC executives are scrambling to explain what some critics call “voter irregularities”, while others are howling charges of racism at the voting viewers and ABC.  An unconfirmed reported says that Brandy has a team of lawyers looking into the voting results, and that they may demand a recount.  Details to follow as they become available.

“The One” & “King James” – Fragile?

This week, the press and corporate America rushed to the aid of her respective masters: Barack Obama and LeBron James.  Ahhh….President Obama (and Nicolas Sarkozy) were checking out a hot Brazilian delegate’s behind at the G-8 this week, and LeBron James was viciously dunked upon by a college player.  No big deal, right? WRONG.  ABC has come to her master’s defense, showing the video of the situation, explaining how photos can be misleading.  Nike, proud sponsor of LeBron James, confiscated multiple videos of the pick-up game at the LeBron James Skills Academy, claiming that recording the event was not permitted, to prevent it from being widely distributed over the Internet.  One article suggests that the videos were seized at James’ request. Are these men and their egos and reputations so fragile that they, their handlers, and supporters bend over backwards to ‘protect’ them from any type of besmirching, or even the hint of besmirching?  Pathetic.

Billy Mays to Host Obama’s ABC Special

Billy Mays, the world’s most recognized direct response advertising salesperson, has agreed to host President Obama’s ABC special on June 24th. On that evening, ABC news will broadcast from the White House, with Charlie Gibson anchoring World News from the Blue Room. After the normal news broadcast, Billy Mays will host the President’s prime-time, made-for-TV special, “Prescription for America”. The special will address concerns ordinary Americans have with our ailing health care system, and Billy Mays will lay out those stubborn problems and the proposed governmental solutions.  The administration rejects notions that this television segment is an ‘infomercial’ for nationalized health care, and rejects out of hand accusations that no differing points of view would be offered during the special. 

Cranky Mommy has obtained a draft page of the script to be used for the introduction to the ABC program:

DRAFT – SUBJECT TO FINAL EDITS; BILLY (YELLING): ”Hi, Billy Mays here for the government, and its new health care plan called ZILCH! If you’re havin’ problems with your current health care situation: pesky co-payments, too many doctors to choose from, employer contributions to premiums, and no dental coverage, then you need ZILCH!  Other plans have terms and conditions you just can’t understand, and you never really know if you’re covered, but not ZILCH! When you have ZILCH, you’re completely covered for what the government decides you really need, without confusing restrictions, and without those snooty doctors! ZILCH can shrink those health plan documents down to a simple index card with clear yes or no decisions for what health care you deserve.  Tired of running around getting referrals to specialists, or spending your precious time on the phone making appointments?  With ZILCH, you get an annual physical on the date and time you’re given, and you’re all set – it’s that easy!  If there’s any kind of follow-up, they’ll tell you! Free yourself of the confusing fuss and muss of health care and the stressful decisions that come with it, and let ZILCH do it for you.  You’ll also feel better knowing that all Americans will have ZILCH, and that the government’s actuarial tables will be consistently used to allocate health care fairly.  “

2009 Scripps National Spelling Bee – LIVE!

You can watch these bright youngsters on ESPN60.com live, during the preliminary rounds.  You can also take in all the action via ‘A List of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago‘.  You could also see the Scripp’s official site.  The secret to the Bee is not to over-think the words.  In Round 2, a Massachusetts boy spelled ‘tarmac’: ptarmic. 

Fifty semifinalists go at it again tomorrow (Thursday) between 10am and 1pm on ESPN.  The finalists duke it out at 8:00pm on ABC.  Brush up on your understanding of ‘Rule 12: End of Bee Procedure’:

If all spellers in a round misspell: If none of the spellers remaining in the spelling bee at the start of a round spells a word correctly during that round, all remain in the competition and a new round begins.

 If a speller misspells the anticipated winning word in a one-word round:
A new round begins with all the spellers who spelled (correctly and incorrectly) in the previous round. These spellers spell in their original order.

If only one speller in a round spells correctly: If only one speller spells correctly in a round, a new one-word round begins and the speller is given an opportunity to spell the next word on the list (anticipated winning word). If the speller succeeds in correctly spelling the anticipated winning word in this one-word round, the speller is declared the champion.

 

“the follies and pretensions of everyday people”

Tune in tonight on ABC at 9pm (EST) for a first look at Mike Judge’s “The Goode Family”, which pokes fun at the trendy and often irritating goal of spending your life minimizing your carbon footprint. You’ll remember Mike Judge from ‘Beavis and Butthead’, and ‘King of the Hill’.