On this week’s episode: Faruka and Nahzir attend a women’s career fair and are arrested when they attempt to drive home; Ameerah snitches to authorities on lingerie store that still employs a man; Arafia unsure if her gynecologist should have been allowed to see her “sensitive” parts.
..my nine-year old son asked. “Uh, yes. The Flintstones?”. He waved off my answer “anyway, are they Neanderthals, Homo Sapiens, Homo Sapien Sapiens, Homo Erectus, or what?” I told him they were just “The Flintstones”, simple cartoon cavemen with a five o-clock shadow. I don’t know much more than that, because that is how Hanna-Barbera drew them. “Who is Hanna-Barbera?” Oy. I feel very, very old.
I was hanging out with my nephew one day this week, while he was recovering at home from some minor surgery. I thought we’d gab and watch some good TV; they have most of the pay channels on top of a great Verizon cable (oh, I mean FIOS) lineup. We spent most of the time changing channels – the amount of crap out there was amazing. The crap actually spanned decades, with crap movies from the 60′s to today. Encore!, like the other premium channels has a number of channels that come with your subscription: Encore Romance, Encore Classic, Encore Kids, Encore Western, etc. The movie showing on Encore Western was “The Gambler V”, you know, with Kenny Rodgers. For thirty bucks a month you get ten crappy channels to choose from, where you don’t even get “The Gambler” - the original one! The mere fact that they produced five of those movies is staggering, but for your $30 you got number five? The best option for us was that day was to jump halfway into a movie about two young Hasidic Jews that turn to drug smuggling and run into trouble, etc. Talk about SLOW.
So I’ve come up with an idea for a new channel: Encore Crappy Sequels. They wouldn’t show any of the first editions of the movies: only Jaws 4, Ghostbusters 2, Rocky IV, Godfather 3 (totally not in the same league as the first two), Big Mama’s House 2, Nightmare on Elm Street 2 through 11, Staying Alive (which is really Saturday Night Fever 2), . I recently watched Rush Hour 3 and sadly had to add it to this crappy list. At least you would know right off that they were crap. You wouldn’t be led to believe that you’d get a good movie. Sometimes you want to watch one of the crummy movies for fun, to bask in its crumminess, and rip on the poor quality of the cast/script/cinematography, etc. But you’d have a channel devoted to it, instead of spreading it out all over the dial. Now THAT would be worth paying for.
On this week’s episode, Fatima, Nahzir, and Bethralla are stoned in public for spending too much money on groceries (again!). Arafia, seeking attention, goes to the mall with her abaya hiked up nearly 2 inches; nobody notices and she is furious. The girls enjoy a glass of wine together in the women’s-only sharia spa, before heading over to the mosque to watch their husbands vote in the local election.
BRAVO TV: This week, Tammie Jean receives a warrant from the Sheriff mandating that she remove all three of the toilets from her front porch; Billy Joe gets sick from Cletus’ road-kill opossum stew and plans to sue him; Lester comes home from hunting to find his wife/sister is planning to marry his brother/uncle.
Barbara Billingsley, best known as June Cleaver on the 1950′s television series “Leave it to Beaver”, has passed away at age 94 after a long illness. I thought her best work was on “Airplane” in 1980:
UPDATED: Sadly, the ratings results are in, and we’ve surely seen the first sign of the apocalypse. According to MediaDailyNews:
ESPN said James program “The Decision,” that announced he is leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers, his longtime team, for the Miami Heat pulled a Nielsen preliminary 7.3 household rating, the best non-NFL programming rated show this year.
Fifteen minutes into the broadcast — between 9:15 and 9:30 p.m., when James made his announcement — the ratings climb to a 9.6 rating.
The news easily topped other single interview sports programming specials — higher than the 0.4 household rating for a Tiger Woods interview on March 21, 2010, and an Alex Rodriguez interview Feb. 9, 2009, which took a 0.9 rating.
Tonight, self-proclaimed “King” Lebron James will announce his decision as to which team he will grace with his presence next season (for a kajillion dollars, or so). The pundits, for what it’s worth, have been blathering on and on about this since before the King’s men were ousted from the playoffs by the Boston Celtics. There are some real divas in professional sports, but this ESPN “special” really takes the cake. How do you suppose this one hour show will go? Lebron announces where he’s going in the first five minutes of the show, then interview follows? Nope. I’m guessing for an American Idol-type finale, where ESPN totally lames out and does a retrospective on James in excruciating detail, with lots of spiffy footage of slam dunks, “rare” photos from his childhood, etc. At about 9:45pm, the “big announcement” will be made and Stewart Scott will be the “first interview after the decision is made”. Wow, I’ve GOT to tune in! I’ve got to make sure I watch so that when someone asks, “where were you when Lebron James announced his decision?”, I can honestly say “I was totally watching it live, I remember it like it was yesterday! It’s not like: “where were you when JFK was shot? Where were you when the space shuttle blew up? Where were you on 9/11? I’m not sure which is more pathetic: the diva and his egomaniacal need to be the center of attention, or the sports media, pandering to and enabling this behavior. Apparently the TV special dubbed “The Decision” will generate some money for charity, because James is so committed to the community and children, and his decision has generated “a lot of buzz”. I can’t wait to see the ratings on this steaming pile of self-aggrandizing tripe. Here are ten other things you could watch at 9pm tonight (check your local listings):
1. Rookie Blue (new on ABC): The police department throws a “Fite Nite” charity event (the literacy event was cancelled). This is a close call, because this show sounds pretty bad. I gave it top billing because it’s new.
2. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS) it’s a repeat, but I’m sure you could work with it – it’s the “Dr. Jekyll serial killer” episode.
3. So you think you can Dance (FOX) Live! Way more action than ESPN
4. Antiques Roadshow (PBS) Repeat from Salt Lake City - seriously, still better than ESPN
5. Perro Amor (Telemundo) that’s “Puppy Love” in english. I don’t understand the whole description, but the words “grave conflict” are definitely in there. Is this the one Eric Estrada is in?
6. Jersey Shore (MTV) Repeat: the crew goes to Atlantic City, one of them has an eating disorder (but no other issues at all).
7. Police Women of Memphis (TLC) New! follow the Memphis police gals…”Arica goes beyond the call of duty by retrieving a detainee’s gold teeth for him“. Lebron doesn’t even have gold teeth!!!
8. Break it Down (National Geographic Channel) The USS Savannah is dismantled at a scrap yard after more than 20 years of carrying fuel for the Navy’s fleet. What’s not to like?
9. I Didn’t know I was Pregnant (Discovery Health) Repeat: Baby on a Boat – a woman at sea gives birth. How did the TV crews know to be there? Slightly less planned out and dramatic than “The Decision”.
10. The Universe (History Channel)Light speed is examined. I’m a nerd, so this is fine, too.
Personally, I’d rather watch Paul the Octopus pick the winner of the World Cup – Paul is 100% accurate so far on his picks in relation to the German national team. I’m hoping his keepers at the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany drop down those crazy boxes again with flags of the Netherlands and Spain on them (I’m sure they won’t drop down boxes showing Cavaliers, Bulls, Heat, Knicks, or Nets symbols). My kids love Paul, and were rooting heavily for the Spanish in yesterday’s game, to give Paul more credibility. Here he is choosing Spain (which is infinitely more interesting than Lebron James). RESPECT THE CEPHALOPOD! Naturally, PETA is calling for Paul’s immediate release.
One of the BBC’s most well know comedians has been signed by Lifetime Television to star in their upcoming biographical movie of Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan. Although Kagan has not yet been confirmed (though confirmation is widely expected), Lifetime executives have inked a deal with Mr. Mitchell to star in the network’s original feature. American audiences will recognize Mr. Mitchell from the BBC and his wildly successful sketch comedy shows “That Mitchell and Webb Look“, and “Peep Show“, a partnership with longtime colleague Robert Webb. Mitchell allegedly signed the deal to “get his bloody foot in the door for some serious acting”. Mitchell, 36, has been performing since primary school, and became even more passionate about it while at Peterhouse, Cambridge, where he became president of their famous “Cambridge Footlights” performance group. Mr. Mitchell has also had several cameos and small roles on BBC programs, in addition to his successful comedic work with partner Robert Webb.
Lifetime executives had been shopping around two draft screenplays, when a low-level staffer happened upon Mitchell on BBC America. Mr. Mitchell, no stranger to dressing in drag for his comedic craft, jumped at the chance to play Kagan on the made-for-cable movie. “Well it won’t be much of a visual stretch, now will it?” suggested Mr. Mitchell, “I’ve got to really show my stuff to be taken seriously, and the viewers won’t be distracted by clumsy makeup and wardrobe. I’ll still look like me in a wig, but I’ll be acting like Ms. Kagan.”
Lifetime executives were asked if they thought their viewers, and Ms. Kagan, would be offended if the lead role in the movie were given to a man. Lifetime is, after all, a network “for women”, telling the story of a hard-working, intelligent woman, going boldly into a male-dominated field. These executives told us that “Lifetime network viewers are among the most sensitive, open-minded, and fair people in our country. They’ll support the best actor for the role, and will be empowered by the fact that they will be part of this courageous, ground-breaking decision. We also think that Ms. Kagan will be thrilled with the end product.”
Lifetime expects the feature to begin production at the end of the summer, with a broadcast date slated in the December time frame. The network anticipates signing Valerie Bertinelli for the role of Ms. Kagan’s best friend during law school, and is reportedly working with author Norah Roberts on the screenplay. Working titles include “Confirming Elena”, “My Lips are Sealed: The Elena Kagan Story”, and “That’s no Man, That’s Elena Kagan!”.
Rue McClanahan, one of TV’s fabulous Golden Girls has passed away due to complications from a stroke. She’ll always be remembered as being a part of one of the best sitcoms in television history, with a premise that seemed unlikely to be successful in the 1980′s. Her passing leaves only Betty White to carry on for those Girls.
