RIP Barbara Billingsley

Barbara Billingsley, best known as June Cleaver on the 1950′s television series “Leave it to Beaver”, has passed away at age 94 after a long illness. I thought her best work was on “Airplane” in 1980:

RIP – Rue McClanahan

Rue McClanahan, one of TV’s fabulous Golden Girls has passed away due to complications from a stroke. She’ll always be remembered as being a part of one of the best sitcoms in television history, with a premise that seemed unlikely to be successful in the 1980′s. Her passing leaves only Betty White to carry on for those Girls.

RIP Lena Horne

This is the only reason why my children knew who the heck Lena Horne was. Best ABC song. Ever.

Peter Graves – RIP

Peter Graves is an icon; he’s uttered some of the greatest lines ever used on the big screen.  Find somebody who doesn’t know what you’re talking about when you use the “Joey…” lines, and I’ll send you a dollar.  (Offer not valid in most states, eligibility requirements must be met, terms and conditions may apply).

See? Hot dogs must promote longevity!

Oscar Mayer, 95, passed away today at a hospice in Wisconsin. Mr. Mayer was the third Oscar Mayer to run the family-named company before eventually selling it to Kraft Foods. This somehow  proves that hot dogs are not bad for your health, and probably preserve you in some fashion, to live to a ripe old age of 95. Think about how many wieners that guy ate during his lifetime!

We should recall that Ernest and Julio Gallo (of Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery) lived to be 97 and 83, respectively, essentially proving that wine is a healthy food.  Ettore Boiardi (Chef Boyardee) lived to be 88, Jimmy Dean of sausage fame is alive and kicking at age 81,  and Wally Amos (Famous Amos cookies) is just fine at 73. 

It looks like hot dogs, wine, pasta, sausage and cookies are actually super-foods… dig in and live longer!

Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays

A friend called and asked the Cranky Mommy to be kind in her Michael Jackson obit, so this is the best she could do.  A haiku for celebrity passings over the last week or so….

Red swimsuit fades black,

Black child ends a journey white,

White guy’s OrangeGlo dulls.

Date Night in Bangkok Gone Wrong – RIP David Carradine

Ouch. When the Lord decides it’s your time to go, your number is simply up; I just hope not to be in a mortally embarrassing situation for all the world to see. David Carradine of ‘Kung Fu’ and ‘Kill Bill’ fame died this week in his Bangkok hotel room. American papers reported that he was found ‘hanging in the closet of his room’, but only the British papers indicated that he was ‘found naked hanging in his hotel room closet’. Well it seems clear that date night (whether alone or with someone else) had gone terribly wrong. Had it been an LA hotel, I might not have jumped to conclusions, but when you add it all up, it’s just a little freaky time gone awry. Now the papers are reporting he was tied at his neck and personal bits, with the same rope, and everybody knows that’s too much trouble for a garden variety suicide. It’s funny, in a sick way, how all his friends and family are certain that this was not a suicide, NO WAY. NOT DAVID. He was definitely having a kinky date with a Thai hooker and something bad went down. How best to remember your dad? Suicide or auto-erotic asphyxiation? Margaret Cho put it best when she said ‘Kung Fu’ should have been called ‘Hey, that guy’s not Chinese’. RIP Grasshopper.

Bea Arthur Dead at 86

Bea Arthur passed away today at her home in Los Angeles due to complications from cancer; she was 86. She was best known for her roles as ‘Maude’ in the 70′s, and Dorothy on ‘The Golden Girls’ in the 80′s, as well as many broadway roles. Golden Girls was one of the best sitcoms EVER, and is still in syndication. The Turks are even making their own version as a special 13-part miniseries. There’s a party icebreaker that I’ve used before (when it’s a girl party obviously), where each person discussed which one of the Golden Girls you would be in your advancing age; talk amongst yourselves! I always thought I’d be Bea (though not as tall). Thank you for being a friend -RIP.