Reminder: Saturday is Free Comic Book Day!

Since 2002, the first Saturday in May has been “Free Comic Book Day”.  Don’t forget to find a participating store near you.  What? You or your kids don’t enjoy  free comic books?  Never mind, there will be more for the rest of us!

Happy Meal Lawsuit Dismissed – Sorry, Whine-Country Parents!

Hooray for common sense, and hooray for the flushing of this kind of flotsam and jetsam that clog our nation’s judicial system.  I’m lovin’ it! The suit alleged that McDonald’s engaged in a:

“predatory practice that undermines parents, causes rifts in families and harms kids’ health.”

A crappy twenty-five cent toy can do all that?  In that case, I am off to court to file suit against Apple and Nintendo, because Angry Birds and Just Dance 3 are undermining me and my husband, causing rifts in my family! Boo hoo! Get a grip, losers, and try  to start acting like grown-ups.

REMINDER: COKE and TWINKIES FOR SCHOOL LUNCH FRIDAY MARCH 30TH

As reported here, this Friday, March 30th is being called “Coke and Twinkies” for lunch day in Massachusetts.  The aim is to remind public schools and municipalities that parents will decide what is best for their children, particularly in light of widely publicized stories of overreaching actions by school employees.  Simply packing these items in your child’s lunch will send a clear message to your children’s school.

Cranky at Friendly’s

Today I took the kids to the local Friendly’s for an ice cream. We are having unseasonably warm weather here in the affluent suburbs, so ice cream is in order! The take-out windows at the Friendly’s were open, with “Order Here” signs over both windows. Turns out they weren’t taking orders at both windows, which is unfortunate because I waited around 10 minutes at what an employee called a ”pick-up” window.  I guess I was confused by all those “Order Here” signs.  A line had formed behind me, and so we all moved over to get into the actual line. The lady behind me insisted that we were waiting longer than everyone else, so she ushered us into the front, much to the chagrin of the lady with three kids that just pulled up. She took much offense, and was concerned that her kids were “cut” in line. Welcome to the affluent suburbs. Apparently the local Friendly’s was unaware that the weather was going to be FANTASTIC all week, because they appeared to have only one person working the take-out window, and then the oh-so-helpful manager jumped in to take the orders. We had to repeat ourselves.  A lot. Then we find that they have run out of soft-serve chocolate ice cream. And jimmies. They ran out of friggin’ jimmies? In New England? The manager apologized, and said that he had the colorful ones. Sprinkles? I said. I think not!  I will do without. It took an hour to drive 2 miles each way and order four ice creams for take-out. Why was it they were going bankrupt again?

When I got home, I Google-searched the news for Friendly’s, and it looks like they are trying to reward their customers by having on-line ordering and loyalty rewards! On -line ordering? Maybe you can just reward me by filling my in-person orders without such a hullaballoo.

Spoiled. Rotten. Brats.

 

Coconut drinks on the beach. Life is good!

Here are my Cranky boys on the beach at the Atlantis Resort, in the Bahamas. They had an awesome time, in spite of not staying in “better” accommodations.

46 Days Until School Starts…

…and this week both of my Cranky Children started some of their respective camps/activities. Cranky Son #1 is going to a three-week, all day, each weekend supercamp, held at a swanky private high school in the area. Orientation was on Sunday night, and I kind of felt like the Clampetts at Mr. Drysdale’s country club (they certainly had a very nice ce-ment pond). Wait a minute, the Clampetts never felt out-classed and second-rate (but I have been told I remind people of Miss Jane)! The first day of camp was a stunning success, and Cranky Son #1 was completely exhausted – exactly what he needs! He ate nothing but crap all day, but that’s the beauty of his 9-year old independence, making his own choices, isn’t it?

Meanwhile, Cranky Son #2 started Archery. He’s been bugging us about archery since he was 5 years old, and all the classes require you to be at least 8, so “hooray!”, he’s finally eligible! We were one of the few people to arrive on time, so we got to wait for all the latecomers to check in with relatively gruff instructor Sean, who had to be on the horn for a while with the Parks & Rec department since so many people signed up the night before. OK! As I was leaving, one mother was trying to tell Instructor Sean that her son has an issue, which of course, he thought was a food allergy or something. “Attention, and energy” she cryptically said. Instructor Sean looked at her and said “but he has no food allergies, or anything like that?”. DUH. Any boy aged 7 through 12 has some ”attention and energy” issues. What a donkey. Is archery the appropriate activity for someone who REALLY can’t pay attention and has to burn some energy??

Happy Easter!

These are the Minion-inspired Cranky Family Easter eggs this year. Oh, I meant, “Spring Spheres”, hope I didn’t offend anyone.

Surprise Getaway for the Cranky Children

Last Friday, the Cranky Daddy and I picked up the Cranky children early from school, and told them that they had doctor’s appointments. Curious about the Cranky Daddy’s presence, he just said he was along for the ride. Shockingly, there were no further questions.  We began our trek heading out the Massachusetts Turnpike, Cranky Son #2 moaning and groaning all the way about missing recess, and not wanting to go to the doctor. Going to the doctor usually takes about 40 minutes, but we drove and drove and drove, crossing state lines to Connecticut (where we stopped and had lunch an hour and a half later) and then into New York. They were completely oblivious. At one point, Cranky Son #1 asked if we were going to be late, and I told them I was trying my best to get where we’re going on time.

The kids finally surmised that we weren’t going to the doctor’s after all, and we told them we were on an adventure.  Aren’t adventures fun?  But we wouldn’t tell them our true destination.  While in New York, we stopped at a rest area that smelled strongly of horse manure. After we used the facilities, we told the kids this was our destination all along, that a guide-book said this was the nicest rest area in New York State.  “Well, whaddaya think, guys?” we asked. They were horrified, and thought we had gone mad. We pointed out that they had restroom facilities, a picnic area complete with benches, and places to bar-b-que.  “Isn’t this great? I hear that when the weather is warm, it’s a popular venue for weddings!”  Then we discussed turning around and heading home – there would be a lot of traffic. The Cranky children were not amused, especially since they missed recess four hours earlier, and endured a long car ride in order to smell horse poo. I then told them that we might be able to hit the historic rest area on the way home – the one with pay toilets that still cost five cents! Grousing, but all the while reading through the new Star Wars books we bought, we crossed into Pennsylvania (another gigantic sign that nobody saw). Cranky Daddy and I spent the whole time giggling at how thick they were being. We actually drove right by our destination: The Great Wolf Lodge in the Poconos, and they didn’t see THAT enormous sign. We decided that “since we were about 1/3 of the way home, that we should eat before we made the final leg of our trip”. We ate at the Friendly’s that we’ve been to before on previous trips to the Poconos. When we turned into the Great Wolf Lodge, the high-pitched screaming began, and they were re-energized enough to spend 90 minutes or so in the water park. Surprise mission accomplished!

McDonalds: Valentine’s Day Edition

I took my Cranky sons to McDonald’s for dinner this week, as I usually do when I drag them to my early field hockey games.  I’m not ashamed; it’s a bribe.  The McDonald’s we usually go to is pretty new.  It opened in the last year and is always very clean and efficient (fast).  This week it was Bizarro world - clueless, unintelligible employees moving at a snail’s pace.  The trash barrels were all overflowing, there was a “We have no Soda” sign scrawled on some paper taped to the front counter.   To make matters worse, the whole restaurant was decked out in cheesy Valentine’s Day decor. Pink sparkly crap hung from every ceiling tile, gigantic hearts adorned each window, and between every table was a plush monkey with a tasteful plastic champagne flute and fake flower (see photo).  

Pink, purple, and hearts are elementary schoolboy kryptonite; my boys showed signs of physical discomfort being in proximity to these things.  My boys were annoyed by all that pink and purple kryptonite, and found it ridiculous that someone would take a date to McDonald’s.  They laughed about it.  They mocked those who would try it.  Cranky Son #1 said that even Bertucci’s would be better, while Cranky Son #2 thought McDonald’s wouldn’t be a romantic location for a date at all.  He would take his date to dinner in Italy.  “Isn’t Italy romantic, Mom?”, he asked.  I told him it’s supposed to be, but I’ve never been.  I have to settle for McDonald’s. For the record, you know I’ll hate the lucky girl he takes to Italy for Valentine’s day fifteen years from now.  She’ll be a total shrew, I’m sure of it.

The Diabolical Genius of LEGO

During the run-up to Christmas, my boys, as usual, had lots of LEGO products on their wish lists (Cranky Son #1 has a typed list that is dozens of pages long), and I can only stand back and admire the diabolical genius of these toys. 

Last year, the Wall Street Journal did an article about LEGO, that simple, yet genius toy who’s founding company has been around for almost 100 years . It started originally as wood toy manufacturer, and LEGOs as we know them today debuted in the early 1950′s.  LEGO has licensing tie-ins (that started in the 1990′s) that make McDonald’s green with envy. It is the world’s fifth largest toy manufacturer, and the LEGO brick was named “Toy of the Century”.  That’s quite a resume.  When I was growing up, LEGOs were pretty basic (no Star Wars, no Indiana Jones, no moving parts, etc.), and if you had them in your home, there was just a box of them all mashed up together. The people were anonymous, faceless, and immobile. Today, LEGO is a Danish, family-owned, private company with reported revenues of $11.5M Danish Kroner (roughly $2.2M USD). Their primary market, according to the WSJ is smarty-pants boys and their families who aren’t afraid to spend a princely sum on this creative toy product.  We call them “brain food” in our house.  I bet the Cranky Daddy regrets ever calling them that; it has come back to bite us several times.

LEGO is still at a loss to connect with girls in a meaningful way, with limited “girly” sets. But I think that LEGOs are the boy-equivalent of Polly Pockets:  both have teensy pieces easily vacuumed or even inhaled, and it’s all about having every one of them, and their accessories, too.

Here’s where they get diabolical: LEGO products are on most boy wish list: my children always ask for what my sister calls “top-shelf” LEGOs. When you go to the store, the giant, $70-$100 sets are up on the high shelves, hence the name. Each year she starts at the lower shelves and works her way up, where lo and behold, the ones my kids asked for. Better ask Santa for those sets! It seems that the LEGOs aren’t about the sets themselves: it’s about the people and accessories included with the other bazillion pieces. Last year’s hot commodity was the other “Skull Twin”.  They must be fraternal twins, because you can totally tell the difference between the two. You see, my boys want to get each of the PEOPLE that are associated with a series. The geniuses at Lego are wise to put only one ‘good’ guy with each set, creating scarcity with a key player, reserved only for those willing to shell out $100 for the last guy. It’s not about Star Wars or Indiana Jones, or the space police in general, but about General Grevious, R2D2, or Chewbacca specifically. Cranky Son #2 spent almost two hours one night last year crying about wanting the squid guy from the Lego Atlantis series, but he doesn’t want to spend his own money on it, and his friends don’t have to spend their money because their mom just buys them the stuff they need and he really wants it. This year, we were kvetching about the Boba Fett figure with the radio antenna on his helmet, with a battle-worn cape!  It’s included in the $80 set that also has his bounty hunter vessel, Slave 1.  I reminded him that he and his brother received literally 10 sets of LEGOs for Christmas (two of which took months to open), but he said they weren’t the ones he wanted. The crying lasted until almost 10pm. I expected more of the same this year.  This year there was no crying, bit the $80 set is still in its box, not assembled, but that sweet version of Boba Fett has been fished out and assembled.  That dude cost me $80!