Breaking news from around the web

Madonna transplant preparations continue in earnest

Take me out to the ballgame, so I can sue your ass!

Have a heart – the terrorist has cancer

Congressman almost duped into buying this TV

Legal Marijuana Coming Soon to Pennsylvania?

This sign was right around the corner from an adult bookstore and movie theater (which featured both booth and theater viewing). I’m not a bad parent; it was on the way to a museum for goodness sakes, give me a break! Looks like they’re working on legalizing marijuana in Philadelphia.  What else could it possibly be? My kids didn’t notice the sign, but I’m sure they would have an opinion on its meaning.

Hangin’ at Honeydew Donuts with my younger son

Tuesday morning my six-year old and I hung out at Honeydew Donuts while we waited for Town Fair Tire to put some new tires on the family vehicle.  The scene is probably pretty typical: a bunch of seniors hanging out with their small coffee and donut, shooting the shit, watching the TV.  The interesting thing was that they went outside every 10 minutes for a smoke, including the guy on his “Rascal” motorized cart.  That guy was hauling ass through the shop, which is only 30 feet long, so my son was very impressed. Each person that entered the shop spoke to my son (see photo – that’s him posing with a Bentley at British Car Day at Lars Anderson’s in Brookline; he’s very engaging and happy as hell).  One of the seniors noticed that he ate only half his donut, and started asking the other seniors (all were men except for one) if they could ‘help this kid eat his donut’.  My son giggled and held his donut close, then nice conversation follows (“how old are you?”, “do you have a girlfriend?”, “where do you go to school?”, etc.).  At one point, the senior in in the Marine Corps hat warned him about the guy about to enter the shop: “Do you see that great big, giant guy about to come in here? You better eat that donut or hide it because this guy will walk right in here and eat it, he’ll eat anything left out on the table!” My son giggled more, and covered up his donut with a napkin.  The man then told my boy that “when you’re old like us, but by then we’ll be ancient, you can come hang out with us, OK?”.  That drew a big smile.  The man then added, “it’s usually mobbed in here, around 15 of us, but ten or so went to the casino today”.

Then a strange lady came in, introducing herself to the counter staff, and ordered her iced coffee.  Several things appeared to be wrong with her coffee, and she started her feedback by shaking her head, and saying, “This isn’t made right!”  First, there was too much milk in it (the woman appeared to be pregnant), “it will give me agita, you know, with the baby”, second, there wasn’t enough caramel in it –  ”sweetie, you need a few more shots of the caramel”, then she spent a few more minutes methodically upending her cup to mix it properly, exaggeratedly bending over her big belly; it was quite a production.  She asked who the manager was, and then introduced herself to the manager.  She then left the store without paying.  Wow – quite a show.  The thing was, she looked surprisingly like a woman  (who also appeared to be pregnant) I ran into in a completely different town who claimed that she needed money to pay for gas at the gas station down the street (long story: thought she had her wallet, her son must have taken it out, was supposed to adopt a puppy, etc.  The longer the story is, the less likely it is to be true).  My son was taking an art class, and the woman had gone door-to-door at the strip mall where the class was held. She rejected my offer of a ride back to the gas station and to pay for her gas, but gladly accepted any change I had.  She said she preferred to walk , “because of the baby”.  I swear to God, it was the same lady. Lot’s of gesturing, drama, conversation, calling you ‘honey, dear, sweetie’ etc. What are the odds?

Dreary Wednesday Morning

A few thoughts….

-Can we be done with the whole Michael Jackson thing yet? This got more media coverage than when Ron Reagan passed away, perhaps even more than Princess Diana. Let’s try to pick up the pieces and move on, shall we? Golden casket? Classy.

-Went for my annual mammogram (fun!) this morning, and got the perkiest most positive technician ever – she explained how she had the country music station on just to mix things up a bit, then we sat down and she asked me the usual questions, and then in a respectful whisper, “so how are the breasts?”. I asked if she meant mine – she did. Really kind of irritating; I guess I wasn’t in the mood for small talk during the squishing/cramming procedure.

Got stuck behind a Buick Century being driven by a centurion (plus or minus ten years) with a teeny dog on her lap.  She tapped the brakes so many times that I thought she was sending a Morse code message (w-h-e-r-e-a-m-I?); she even braked going uphill at 20 MPH.  I’m sure she made it home just fine.

Isn’t that redundant? Or just stereotypic?

In traffic yesterday, I saw a Prius with the following pasted on the back:  a rainbow sticker, an Obama/Biden campaign sticker, and a “That’s okay, I wasn’t using my civil liberties anyway” sticker. 

Has anyone EVER seen a Bush/Cheney sticker, or NRA logo, or ‘Semper Fi’ on a Prius??  Somebody please tell me you have so we can end these terrible stereotypes!

Why are socks packaged this way?

Is it necessary to have a resealable zip-lock bag for SOCKS? Is the manufacturer afraid they’ll go stale? Does anybody just take out one pair of socks, zip up the bag and save the rest for another time? Seems to me they could save a few pennies and get a plain old bag that you have to rip open, and forget the (horror!) resealable quality of the bag.

Where do you register for this?

I registered for a set of these dishes when I got married, but my cheap family and friends wouldn’t spring for it (notice that these people didn’t get a sugar bowl). I’d be sitting pretty right now….

Professor Honeydew, you’re making me uncomfortable…

…the sordid side of Muppet Labs.

See? Mel Gibson has a sense of humor…

Golden Girls Quote of the Day

“I jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo!”  (Blanche)