Real Housewives of Appalachia – New Episode

New this week on BRAVO – Lulu and Darlene get lost in the woods behind their trailer after taking too much Oxycodone. Betty Sue enters her famous “Opossum Oreo Cookie Cake” in the regional Pillsbury Bake-Off.  Cletus finds a mysterious toilet on the front porch next to the one that is usually there.

Burqa King Superstore Opening in Wrentham

WRENTHAM - This weekend, the world’s largest halal burqa and clothing retailer will open its ”Burqa King Superstore” at the Wrentham Village Outlets, taking the retail place of the now bankrupt “Spoons R Us”.  Parent company By Allah’s Beard is excited and hopeful about its first foothold in New England. The company has two retail locations in Michigan  – Burqa King, and Burqa Barn, and one in London’s posh West End  – The Bonnie Burqa Boutique.

Real Housewives of Dubai – New Episode

The ladies’ favorite lingerie shop is closed because it had male employees, so Fatima tries to get a job to help it re-open, but cannot get the required permission from her husband. Religious police mistake hirsute friend Aliyah for a man and is arrested for being in a lingerie shop. Ladies are excited to go to a book fair with their husbands though they will use separate entrances and sit in separate areas. The ladies discuss the cleanliness of their breasts after reading remarks by the Prime Minister of Egypt.

Happy Pi Day!

It is Pi Day (although Google thought that a Pi doodle was not in order)!  Some great gift ideas can be found at Mental Floss and ThinkGeek. You can check out Pi Across America for activities and happenings.

 

It’s Conclave Tuesday! Excellent Parody…

This week’s reasons why American public schools are not really about Education:

..and more like sensitivity training, or indoctrination of some kind, but certainly not education. Maybe this will be a weekly feature.

High school teen in Florida suspended for disarming a fellow student. He did not follow the “do nothing, be a victim” program that your intellectual superiors would prefer.

A third-grader in Michigan had his birthday cupcakes with plastic army men on them taken away for being insensitive.  HOW THE HELL DID THOSE CUPCAKES GET PAST SECURITY INTO A PUBLIC SCHOOL???

A second-grader in Maryland was suspended for two days for fashioning an obviously realistic-looking handgun out of a pop tart, and pretend shooting with his pretend gun.  NEWS FLASH: little boys will make anything into a gun: plastic silverware, paper bags, dryer lint, crayons, pinecones, those little baby carrots I put in their lunches, etc.

New York City high school students require a lot of remedial help in order to function in community college.  How many?  Oh, just around 80% of them.  The NYC Board of Education boasts a 40% increase in graduation rates over the last 7 years, and claims that the number needing remedial help has dropped around a half a point. NYC schools are budgeted for around $8 billion per year.  You do the math.

Finally, there is a big snowstorm in the Boston area today, and many people are upset that the City of Boston did not cancel school.  Thousands of children were absent today, but school officials have announced that children not in school today will be marked “constructively present”.  I am sure they were home doing extra math problems, or science fair experiments or something equally “constructive”.  No bonus if you actually showed up to school today.

 

 

On International Women’s Day: Celebrate Women Who Can Be Anti-Semitic, American-Hating Scumbags If They Want To

WASHINGTON – Secretary of State John Kerry and First Lady Michelle Obama were planning to bestow an International Woman of Courage award to Samira Ibrahim of Egypt this week.  The award has since been put on hold since Ibrahim, a women’s rights activist, seems to have been very vocal in praise of Adolf Hitler, last year’s murder of Jews in Bulgaria,  and the 9/11 attacks on the American embassy in Cairo, also last year.  Ibrahim has certainly shown that she is a woman of courage, bravely spewing violent, anti-Semitic hate in the otherwise male-dominated hatemongering world.  Break through that glass ceiling, Samira; let’s not forget that women can be destructive haters, too!  You go, girl!